Q: Your 6-year-old wakes up angry almost daily. What gives? And how should you react?
A: The official medical term for this phenomenon is “waking up on the wrong side of the bed.” And there is, unfortunately, no known cure.
You can treat the symptoms, however, which will make everyone’s morning more tolerable. For treatment options, we turned to Betsy Brown Braun, author of “You’re Not the Boss of Me: Brat-proofing Your 4- to 12-Year-Old Child” ($15.99).
First, of course, you and your child’s pediatrician should rule out any medical maladies (lack of sleep, accompanying stomachaches or headaches). Then you can tackle the emotional stuff.
Start, Brown Braun suggests, by considering whether any parts of your child’s life are a little off-kilter. A parent distracted by work? A new baby in the house? A lingering incident at school? A recurring bad dream?
Still flummoxed?
“We all know what it feels like to wake up in a crabby mood,” said Brown Braun. “Maybe it’s time to tackle it from that perspective and just figure out what calms your kid.”
Try a hug. “As kids get to be about 6, they often don’t get as much snuggle time and they might miss it,” Brown Braun said. “Maybe the morning is a time when you go in and sit with him and spend an extra five minutes being with him, not talking about his day or his mood.”
Talk about it. “Not in the morning and not when he’s tired, but at a good time during the day you can say, ‘It seems like on lots of mornings you wake up, and you’re feeling kind of crabby. I wonder if you think there’s something I can do to help you feel better.”‘
Don’t scold his mood. “You cannot talk a child out of a feeling. It’s so condescending to say, ‘Oh, come on. You’re fine.’ Different things bother different people in different ways.”
But don’t give in, either. “It may be an attention-getting device,” Brown Braun said. “You don’t want to disallow your child a feeling, but you don’t want to let it become a manipulation either. If it’s going on and on and on, you may need to start saying, ‘I notice you’re in a crabby mood. Let me know when you’re feeling better.'”
Set up a no-crabby zone. When Brown Braun’s children were small, she hung a sign in her kitchen reading “crabby” with a red line through it.
“If they bring that crabby mood into the kitchen or dining room, it’s so contagious,” she said. “You can certainly say, ‘It seems like you’re not ready to be with the rest of the family yet. Why don’t you have a cup of milk and go back to your room until you’re done feeling crabby?’
“A child’s mood in the morning is a very individual thing. You have to give him permission to feel how he feels, but make sure you’re not feeding it as a parent.”
Talk to us
> Give us your news tips.
> Send us a letter to the editor.
> More Herald contact information.
