Dear Grandparenting:
Look at her now! That’s what all the boys do when she walks by. My, oh my, how my little granddaughter Jinx has grown! Let’s just say Jinx is full-figured, especially on top. That’s why she wears tight fitting things like tube tops, the better for the world to see what she’s made of.
What she’s made of, truth be told, is mostly silicone. Three weeks after her 16th birthday, she got her Mom to cough up $3,500 for breast augmentation surgery. It wasn’t a hard sell. Momma did hers right after she divorced my son.
Jinx was born with a body shaped like a pear and was always whining about her looks or lack thereof. Then she had the surgery, grew her hair longer and started putting on tons of make-up every time she left the house.
I’m at a loss for what to say to Jinx or about Jinx. I pretend not to notice anything different and hope to withhold judgment. We’re all entitled to a few youthful mistakes and Jinx has exceeded her quota. She looks like a cheap date. The good news is I gather it costs about $1,000 less to remove those implants. Don’t you agree she’s too young for all this nonsense?
Lois Fox, Richmond, Virginia
Dear Lois:
An epidemic of ugliness must be running amok amongst America’s granddaughters, because so many are totally convinced they just aren’t pretty enough. Numerous national surveys report the same findings. It’s not the economy or terrorism keeping them awake at night. The problem is their self-image.
Cleavage is in now. Give it a while and downsizing will be the rage, but in the meantime we expect more granddaughters to consider breast augmentation surgery, even adolescents.
Most medical professionals advise women wait until they mature and more fully develop and/or finish having children. But waiting can seem a fool’s game for a generation of grandchildren raised in an age of instant gratification, a generation often labeled the most narcissistic, self-entitled ever.
In plastic surgery they believe. It’s the quick way, the smart way to cure physical imperfections, right? Established procedures like nose jobs or flattening protruding ears are performed routinely among some social circles of grandchildren. And now, regrettably, more breast augmentations.
Grand remark of the week
Bam Washington from Sidney, Ohio, was feeling his age and then some after an afternoon of activities organized around visiting grandson Michael, 6.
Bam decided to lie down for a breather, leaving his wife “The Redhead” in charge.
Next thing she knew, Michael turned to say, “I’m going to do some snoring with Bam,” and proceeded to march into their bedroom and lay down next to his grandfather.
When The Redhead checked back five minutes later, both her “men” were asleep.
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