We can worry less about parents’ sexual orientation

Dear Grandparenting:

I don’t know what to say about my daughter Megan except I hardly understand her anymore. Megan is moving way too fast and I don’t think she has a clue about life.

First she ups and marries this guy Nate when she was just 16. No one could ever figure out how Nate made any money. They immediately had two children born 11 months apart. I used to stay real involved in their lives because these are my first and maybe my only grandchildren.

Then Megan decided to come out of the closet on my youngest grandchild’s first birthday. I will never forgive Megan her for ruining that day forever in my memory. Nate is nowhere to be found and I hope my daughter is happy now. We don’t talk much anymore.

The last time I checked Megan was intending to marry her girlfriend. They live somewhere in New Jersey where gay marriage is legal. Will this ruin any chance my grandchildren have to live some kind of normal life?

Peaches Malone, Battle Creek, Michigan

Dear Peaches:

Situations like this naturally arouse the suspicions of grandparents accustomed to more traditional family structures. Since same-sex marriages are a fairly recent development, who knows what happens to children living in such households?

Will the children have sexual identity issues, or be at greater risk to encounter emotional or psychological difficulties, and act out? Or will they experience social blowback and be teased or bullied by their peers?

As more gay couples either marry or emerge from secrecy, a clearer picture is coming into focus, based on a growing body of research. Instead of harming the wellbeing and development of grandchildren, the young ones have shown “resilience with regard to social, psychological, and sexual health despite economic and legal disparities and social stigma,” according to a Tufts University report. In other words, the kids are all right.

And while support for that position isn’t unanimous, it has been endorsed by heavyweights like the American Psychological Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics and leading professionals in the field. The greater harm, they maintain, extends to children in unmarried same-sex unions.

So maybe we can worry a little less about the sexual orientation of a grandchild’s parents.

Grand Remark of the Week

Monty from The Villages, Florida, weighed in with his “grandparenting philosophy.”

There are “two gifts we should give our grandchildren,” he asserts. “One is roots, and the other is wings.”

Dee and Tom, married more than 50 years, have eight grandchildren. Together with Key, they welcome questions, suggestions and Grand Remarks of the Week. Send to P.O. Box 27454, Towson, MD, 21285. Call 410-963-4426.