All day long we open doors, going here and there.
A doorway is an entrance to somewhere new. It brings us from where we are to where we want to be. And yet, how often are we aware of who’s behind us, especially when we open a door that others hope to go through? How often do we look behind us to see if there’s a child, an older adult, or simply anyone? And when we do see someone who would benefit from a door held open, how regularly do we smile and hold the door for them? How often are we focused on where we want to go and unaware of who else is nearby?
Yes—this is a small thing. Or is it?
In that moment of transition, are we self-absorbed? Are we thinking about the past or where we’ve been? Or are we thinking about the future, where we plan to be, or our ever-so-long “to-do” list? At those times, we are barely present.
When we’re fully in the here and now, we’re not caught up in our thoughts. Instead, we’re aware of what’s happening around us. We feel the air against our skin, hear the birds sing, and the sounds of footsteps behind us. We’re aware of the world around us. Then we can choose—do we want to hold the door for our closest neighbor or not?
Of course, there are many other elements that enter into this equation. I was raised to be polite and community-minded. I saw my parents hold doors for the elderly, help a disabled person cross a busy street, or lend a helping hand to someone who needed one.
But despite my upbringing, there are times when I’m completely focused on getting somewhere quickly and I forget to look behind me. Rushing from here to there, feeling the pressure of time, I can get lost in my head.
So why is this important?
- We need to slow down. In this crazy, busy life we’ve constructed, we’re all moving too fast. Let’s take a moment to pause—look at our phones, read and respond to our texts and scroll through social media. Let’s take a moment to be still.
- And smell the roses. We live in one of the most beautiful places in the world—surrounded by the Salish Sea and the majestic Cascade mountains. Let’s breathe the air, feel the breeze against our skin, fully absorb the visual delights of our landscape, and watch the waves splash against the shore and the eagles soar overhead.
- And feel our connection with each other. As much as we enjoy our independence, we are mostly interdependent. We depend on others for everything—to grow and distribute our food, to build our homes, to supply us with electricity, to fuel our automobiles built by others, and to our parents for bringing us into this world, feeding us, bathing us, and watching over us. Our connection with others need not be simply intellectual. When we are truly in the here and now, we can recognize and connect with all of those people.
When we slow down, smell the roses, and feel connected with the world around us, we won’t have to think about the people behind us when we walk through a doorway. We will know that they are there, and we’ll lovingly hold the door open for them.
Paul Schoenfeld is a clinical psychologist at Optum Care Washington, formerly The Everett Clinic.
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