‘Give me a break.”“Are you kidding me with this?”
“Oh, puh-leeze!”
Sorry, I’m just practicing for working alongside more than 200 TV critics from around the country as we filter through the new shows the networks will try to sell you in the fall.
That’s right, I will be basking in the Southern California sun – actually, under the fluorescent lights inside conference rooms at the Beverly Hilton – for the next two weeks at the annual TV Critics Association press tour.
I’ll be watching TV shows, sipping cocktails with the stars and fervently sending dispatches back to Snohomish County with the inside scoop.
Hey, it’s a sacrifice. But somebody’s got to do it.
In reality, it will be hard work.
As we critics love to say, we watch all the bad stuff so you don’t have to.
And, from what I hear, the press tour is about much more than bad TV shows. It’s also about network executives deceitfully trying to persuade us that those bad shows are really the next great thing.
But we know all too well that for every “Desperate Housewives,” there are five “Blind Justices.”
For every “Lost,” there are a half-dozen “Point Pleasants.”
And for every “Arrested Development,” there’s “Committed,” “Life on a Stick” and “Center of the Universe” – times 10.
I’ll be there to wade through the muck and mire and let you know exactly what to be waiting for come September.
Because, really, if you’re looking at the TV schedule grid these days you need to know there’s a light at the end of the summer.
There are some big names returning to the small screen this season, particularly on the upstart networks. Will they be worth watching or should they have just stayed away?
One-time Hollywood power couple Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith will each have a show on The WB, as will supermodels-turned-actresses, Denise Richards and Rebecca Romijn (hold the “Stamos”).
Chris Rock is narrating a new comedy about his childhood in Brooklyn, “Everybody Hates Chris,” on UPN.
NBC, which is coming off an awful season, needs the kind of turnaround that ABC had this year with the likes of “Housewives,” “Lost,” “Grey’s Anatomy” and “Boston Legal.”
NBC is pushing some new shows, including “E-Ring,” a “West Wing”-esque look inside life at the Pentagon from producer Jerry Bruckheimer, and a comedy, “My Name is Earl” that they’re saying tested better than any of their comedies in the past 15 years.
ABC wants you to buy Geena Davis as the nation’s first woman president in “Commander in Chief,” and is giving Heather Graham her own sitcom, “Emily’s Reasons Why Not,” that has a quick “Scrubs”-like pace and provides some early laughs in the pilot.
Do you believe the hype? During the next two weeks, I’ll let you know if you should.
Starting Tuesday, my daily dispatches will land on Page A2 or on the front page through the end of the month.
But not everything deserves to be – or ought to be – in print.
For some more juicy, behind-the-scenes stuff, check out my blog at www.heraldnet.com/ blogpopculture, which I’ll be updating throughout the day. Consider it my running notebook, and without even the threat of jail time, I’m turning over my notes to you.
So long for now. I’ve got a plane to catch.
Victor Balta is on assignment at the TV Critics Association press tour in Los Angeles, filing dispatches on the fall TV season. E-mail him at vbalta@ heraldnet.com.
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