Can a woman really have both a career and family?

My daughter scooped The New York Times, and she did it with little more than idle chitchat.

A recent college graduate, she clued me in on a trend among some of her female peers. Sure enough, there it was Monday in the newspaper that’s long boasted of “all the news that’s fit to print.”

“Studying to be a mother: Ivy Leaguers say women can’t have it all,” was the headline.

Young women at Yale, Harvard and other top universities said in the article that they plan to end their careers completely, or cut way back on work, once they have children.

It was old news to me. All summer, I listened as my daughter talked about this friend or that one. In July, she attended the wedding of a former roommate who had spent four years at a pricey university, yet had no career plans. The groom is applying to medical schools.

The article quotes one Harvard freshman, Shannon Flynn, as saying none of her female friends want to work full-time. “Most probably do feel like me, maybe even tending toward wanting to not work at all,” Flynn told the newspaper.

Many will see the trend as positive. My initial reaction wasn’t a bit positive. Honestly, aren’t those spoiled kids taking up space that would be better used by students serious about putting an education to use?

Then came conflicting thoughts, even guilt.

Raised by do-it-all, have-it-all baby-boom mothers, the young adults of Generation Y have seen it all.

They’ve seen us race into child care facilities to pick them up at 6 p.m. They’ve seen us short on time for our husbands, children and friends. They’ve seen us short-tempered. They’ve seen enough not to want what we have.

Ironically, some have soaked up plenty of our ambition, enough to get them into places like Harvard and Yale. Will they come out of school with the educational equivalent of being all dressed up with no place to go?

While they’ve seen moms short on time and long on stress, many in my generation saw mothers whose considerable talents went unused.

I grew up in a world saturated by the wholesome housewife image of “The Donna Reed Show.” It must have been frustrating, trying to attain that ideal – to say nothing of the hairdos and crisply ironed dresses.

That said, I don’t want to be misunderstood. There is no more important job than raising children.

For many mothers, staying home full-time is the right choice. Women who want to stay home and can afford to are lucky. I’m sure most new mothers would delay returning to work longer if employers made it possible.

What troubles me about the new stay-at-home trend isn’t that bright young women plan to make that choice. What troubles me is an unspoken message that combining career and family cannot be done, or at least cannot be done very well.

Cynthia Russett, an American history professor at Yale, told The New York Times: “At the height of the women’s movement and shortly thereafter, women were much more firm in their expectation that they could somehow combine full-time work and child rearing. The women today are, in effect, turning realistic.”

Yes, she actually said “somehow.” What message does that send to young women?

Hey girls, listen to me. If a teacher ever tells you it’s impossible to be a mom and have a career, don’t listen. It’s better to flunk than to believe it.

I didn’t just read The New York Times last week. I read The Herald, too.

I read about Faye Kennedy, a state Court of Appeals judge from Everett. Kennedy died last month at 63. Wife, mother, judge – by all accounts, she filled each role beautifully.

I read about Kathy Atwood, recently named the first female captain of the Everett Police Department. Years before when she applied to be a sergeant, she didn’t reveal that she was pregnant until after she had taken the required tests. Now she’s made department history.

There are days when staying home would make me a better mother. There are days when not being a mother would make me a better journalist.

Tell me that, I’ll believe it.

Tell me a woman can’t do both? It’s a lie.

Columnist Julie Muhlstein: 425-339-3460 or muhlsteinjulie@heraldnet.com.