Clowning around? We’re in no mood

Graeme Maclean/Creative Commons

Graeme Maclean/Creative Commons

No time for this

Clowns have been giving people the creeps lately, even more than usual. Sightings of menacing-looking “creepy clowns” started in South Carolina a couple of months ago and since then have spread all over the United States.

The epidemic has even reached Snohomish County. Local schools warned parents after reported clown sightings and clown-themed threats in social media. Then three teens in clown masks were arrested in Lake Stevens last week after they allegedly tried to rob a grocery store.

It’s a good thing J.P. Patches wasn’t around to see all of this. It’d be enough to turn his big red smile upside down.

In our latest poll at HeraldNet.com and on Twitter, we asked how you’d handle it if you came across a clown in the wild. You reacted with an abundance of caution.

Fifty-six percent said they would ignore the clown. If you can ignore a man with a bright red nose, white mask and orange wig, you’ve truly mastered the Seattle Freeze.

Sixteen percent said they would call the police. Presumably the clown would have to do something wrong before the police responded. If the cops arrested everyone who stood around looking creepy, every guy in my gym’s locker room would be hauled off to the hoosegow.

Only 15 percent would smile or laugh — at a clown. 2016 is such a bummer. Maybe this is why there are so many sad clowns.

And 13 percent said they would engage the clown in conversation. Sample conversation starters: “Those are lovely shoes. Where do you shop for size 27?” Or, “Do you know of any local car dealership that sells a VW Bug with room for 30 people?” Or, “How about those Seahawks?” That last one works in just about any awkward social situation.

Do NOT ask about the election, though. You don’t want to hear about the clown he’s voting for.

— Doug Parry, parryracer@gmail.com; @parryracer

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