Children used to be masters of dinnertime trickery. They had to be.
Time was, we’d run in from school and yell, "Hi Mom, what’s for dinner?"
The reply wasn’t always good. Spaghetti, you’d be in heaven. Chicken, OK. Casserole? That could go either way — tuna was bad news.
Then there was liver, a category all its own. Not a food, really. Liver was a trial. There were enforcers. Judges decided when enough of the slime-turned-leather organ meat had been eaten. Refusal came with consequences, from no dessert to no TV.
You had to be sneaky. You had to get it from plate to napkin to dog while the enforcers zeroed in on your brother’s untouched dish. It’s a lost art, liver avoidance.
My parents’ generation was the last to make children eat liver. Ask around. You won’t find kids anywhere who’ve tasted the stuff. Why would they?
The pendulum has swung so far the other way in this land of the Happy Meal that H.J. Heinz Co. is introducing — yep, you read right in Monday’s paper — chocolate french fries.
Among the varieties of "Funky Fries," a line of Ore-Ida frozen potatoes due in May, are "Kool Blue" seasoned spuds, "Cinna-Stiks" cinnamon-sugar fries and chocolatey "Cocoa Crispers."
John Carroll, of Heinz’s frozen-food division, told the Associated Press that in market research "we asked the kids what would make them want to eat more french fries."
I have to wonder, who thinks children need to eat more french fries and chocolate fries at that?
Just two months ago, U.S. Surgeon General declared war on obesity by calling for sweeping changes in school lunch programs and recommending daily physical education for all kids.
We’ve got a problem, and chocolate fries aren’t part of the solution.
In September, the Journal of the American Medical Association reported that rates of obesity and diabetes in the United States have grown by 50 percent or more over the last decade.
According to a Centers for Disease Control study, the proportion of Americans at least 30 pounds overweight rose from 12 percent in 1991 to 19.8 percent in 2000. The proportion who are diabetic increased from 4.9 percent to 7.3 percent. In children, researchers found, the incidence of Type 2 diabetes was 3 percent to 5 percent two decades ago. Now it’s 25 percent to 30 percent.
The prevalence of obesity among American kids increased by 100 percent between 1980 and 1994, according to a study published last year in The Lancet medical journal.
Liver is not the answer, nor is lying.
With my first child, I practiced grocery aisle deception. I’d tell my gullible toddler that the garish cereal boxes were decorations. The real cereal, I’d say, is in this yellow box, and I’d grab unadulterated Cheerios.
It didn’t work long. Sooner rather than later, kids find out about Hostess Twinkies. They find out about Oreos and Lunchables and Pop-Tarts. It’s bad enough that cereal is dessert. Must the token "vegetable," the lowly fry, be dessert, too?
Our only defense, parents, is not a plateful of liver. The days of "eat it or wear it" persuasion are over. I don’t miss them.
I was strict with child No. 1. These days, you’ll find Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes and Sprite at my house. You’ll also find kiwi and couscous, and my boys eat them. As long as he can put hot sauce on it, my teen-ager would rather eat leftover rice than a scoop of rocky road.
My younger son is a work in progress. He said the other night that green beans are for "when I grow up." Given the chance, he’d say Cocoa Crispers are for right now.
Fat chance, kiddo. Do I sound like somebody’s 1960 dad? Someone has to.
I’m drawing a line in the sand, and I’m drawing it with red ketchup, not Heinz green: No chocolate french fries — not under my roof.
Contact Julie Muhlstein via e-mail at muhlsteinjulie@heraldnet.com, write to her at The Herald, P.O. Box 930, Everett, WA 98206, or call 425-339-3460.
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