EVERETT — Before Sue Costello and her husband Mike were marriage mentors, they were mentored.
The Costellos, who have been married for 43 years, were lucky enough to receive encouragement and advice early in their marriage. Now, as marriage mentors at New Life Foursquare Church, they assist in passing on to others the lessons they have learned.
“Our marriage in our younger years was helped so much by other couples coming alongside us and helping us in areas that we were ignorant of,” Sue Costello said. “How to appreciate one another, how to value one another, and how to show one another the love of Christ.”
Now the Costellos are mentoring two couples they are beginning to consider as part of their own family.
“We’ve grown to love them,” she said. “We spend our time with them, to earn a place to be heard and to help. What we offer is a safe place to come to and talk.”
The marriage mentoring group at New Life has been up and running for two years and currently has 25 marriage mentors. To become a marriage mentor at New Life requires a day-long training session and evaluation.
According to family life pastor Jim Crosby, the goal is to recruit stable married couples who not only reflect the love of Jesus Christ, but don’t mind letting their guard down and talking frankly.
“Every couple gets a complete guide to marriage mentoring, and come to the training to feel it out and kick the tires, to see if it’s something they want to do,” Crosby said. “They are not trained therapists, but a couple just like the people they mentor. One of the most important things that we end with is that we want the couples to be themselves.”
While mentoring can, at times, be problematic, the more serious marriage problems are given to Crosby, who then can refer couples to a licensed counselor if it’s deemed necessary.
“When a marriage mentor feels overwhelmed, they can be supported,” Crosby said. “They should never feel like they are dangling out there.”
Even with the training and the support system in place, there is one common enemy that makes the job that much harder: time.
“Families are really busy these days. Because everyone is so busy, it is difficult to make time to do something about your relationship,” Crosby said. “That’s why when we offer something like this people realize that this is something that they need to be doing. It’s difficult, because sometimes people are trapped in their schedules. Running kids to sports events, helping with homework, both parents working. It’s hard to make the time for what matters.”
Crosby hopes to have 50 marriage mentors by Easter. Part of the ongoing training will take place Feb. 2 as New Life hosts the authors of their current marriage mentor curriculum, Les and Leslie Parrott.
“Mentoring enriches any relationship, any relationship that wants to grow closer with one another and their family lives,” Costello said. “We found that ourselves, and now we are trying to pass that blessing on to others.”
To learn more
For more information on the marriage mentoring program or the “Becoming Soul Mates” seminar Feb. 2, call 425-212-4109 or go to www.newlifecenter.org.
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