LYNNWOOD — Teen dating violence knows no boundaries. A straight-A student is no less vulnerable than a student with purple hair, and a clean-cut jock is just as likely an abuser as a rebellious student.
Abuse can come in the form of punching the wall near a victim to intimidate them, throwing objects, or sending an unreasonably high amount of text messages then exploding when their partner doesn’t immediately respond.
These were a few lessons students at Lynnwood High School learned recently.
Cheryl Johnson, domestic violence prevention education manager for Domestic Violence Services of Snohomish County, and Snohomish County Sheriff’s Deputy Rebecca Lewis, the high school’s resource officer, taught students in Lewis’ law and justice class about the warning signs of dating and domestic violence and how to help victims get out of an abusive relationship.
The pair urged students who have witnessed or who are victims of assault to call the police or the Domestic Violence Services of Snohomish County at 425-25-ABUSE.
The pair met while working at Dawson Place Child Advocacy Center in Everett. Dawson Place assists physically and sexually abused children by offering medical personnel, counselors, advocates, state caseworkers, prosecutors and police in one location.
Johnson said instead of being reactionary, she and Lewis are teaching teens the signs of abuse, where to get help and to know their values and what they want from a relationship.
“We’re trying to communicate these issues and show what an unhealthy relationship looks like,” she said. “In the beginning, everything looks fine but a red flag could be waving in your face, but you see around it.”
Abuse can emerge as extreme jealousy, explosive anger, isolation from friends and family, and put-downs.
On the flip side, a healthy relationship involves respecting boundaries, controlling personal choices and feeling safe enough to be honest.
Johnson said young men and young women alike can be victims of dating violence.
“Both partners need to be held accountable,” she said.
In recent years, more males are coming forward to report abuse.
“It was harder to before because we hadn’t given males the permission to say this is happening,” she said. “We had taught them to be tough and deal with it.”
Johnson served on a state review board that looked at domestic violence relationships that ended with fatalities. Board members realized many abusive relationships begin as early as junior high school.
State officials have been backing efforts to begin educating youths about the warning signs of domestic violence at a younger age, she said.
One in three teens has experienced some kind of abuse in their dating relationship, according to the Washington State Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Additionally, one in four teens has been called names or harassed via text message.
A lot of people tend to make excuses for abusers by blaming their behavior on drinking, which doesn’t help the abuser or the victim.
“Alcohol and drug use is not a defense,” Lewis said. “Even when your inhibitions are lowered, you’re still responsible for that behavior.”
Senior Kelsey Parker said prior to Lewis and Johnson’s lesson, she had never been educated on domestic or dating violence or identified the warning signs.
Parker said she has been looking at couples differently and rethinking instances where there were warning signs, but no one realized how serious the situation was.
“I’ve always heard of domestic violence, but I’ve never had an education like this,” she said. “It really is serious and can happen in any relationship.”
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