By Sharon Salyer and Christina Harper
Herald Writers
Remaining calm, keeping normal family schedules and limiting or eliminating television coverage of Tuesday’s terrorist bombings are the most helpful things parents can do to help their kids cope, child specialists say.
"One of the most important things is to turn the TV off," said Mark Mendelow, a social worker at Children’s Hospital &Regional Medical Center in Seattle.
Seeing the same images of disaster rebroadcast over and over will cause kids to think it’s happening again and again, he said. "By turning the TV off, it helps the kids regroup and feel safe again for the moment."
Give short, honest and simple answers to your children’s questions, Mendelow advised. "If kids need more information, they’ll ask another question."
Parents should try to maintain normal family activities and schedules as much as possible.
"The hope is that parents will not get so immobilized that kids freak out," Mendelow said.
Have kids watch cartoons and remember that kids will sometimes express their feelings when playing or drawing, he said. If possible, parents should watch television coverage away from their kids. Limit their exposure to the news, he advised, but don’t pretend that it’s not happening.
Be honest without overwhelming them with information, Mendelow said, with messages such as, "It is scary, we don’t know what happened, but right now you’re here and you’re safe."
If the family regularly attends religious services, children can pray or write a letter to God to express their feelings, or light a candle, he suggested. "Rely on your faith traditions."
Children may become more anxious than usual, he said, and smaller children may start sucking their thumb or asking for a blanket and not be able to sleep tonight without a light on.
Parents should avoid saying, "Don’t be a baby," he emphasized. "We all need that extra reassurance and comfort right now."
Parents should also be especially kind to themselves, he said, by exercising, eating well, getting proper sleep and talking to family members.
"We want parents to be role models for their kids about managing stress," Mendelow said.
Bill France, a Snohomish County child advocate who has worked as director of clinical programs at Luther Child Center in Everett, said that parents should stay close to children and remain calm and reassuring. France likens this scenario to one he saw on television Tuesday with New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani.
"He stays calm so that the public stays calm," France said.
When two of his grandchildren came to his home Tuesday morning, France let them be their own guides. The older child wanted to watch the news, while the other wanted to watch a movie.
Dr. Shirley Stallings, medical director of Compass Health, said that the elderly and those who are isolated "are trapped by the media" coverage.
"We need to make sure those people are OK and connected to others they can talk to," she said.
Lucy Berliner, director of the sexual assault and traumatic stress center at Harborview Medical Center in Seattle, said that while children 10 and younger may need to be protected from images of destruction, it’s just the opposite for children 10 and older.
Trying to keep them from information may cause even more anxiety, she said. Because the tragedies occurred in cities far away, small children may not have a lot of questions, she said.
But reassure them with statements such as the government is doing everything possible to keep people safe, and many people are prepared to handle emergencies like this, Berliner said.
"The essential job of a parent is to comfort and reassure children," she said.
You can call Herald Writer Sharon Salyer at 425-339-3486
or send e-mail to salyer@heraldnet.com.
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