Maria Buckley’s diploma is proof that she has survived more than high school. Rescued as a child from the streets of Bolivia, it’s proof that she has survived, period.
By Eric Stevick
Herald Writer
When Maria Buckley receives her Everett High School diploma later this month, she will complete a journey as satisfying in the end as it was unlikely in the beginning.
Along the way, she has sampled life in South American orphanages, special education classes and a Baptist boarding school for troubled teens.
To understand the magnitude of the moment, go back 16 years to a street corner in Santa Cruz, Bolivia, where a mother told her raggedly dressed 3-year-old daughter to wait for her, only to never return.
And now, behold her in her cap and gown. Acknowledge that first impressions can be cruelly deceiving: how a child’s shy and endearing smile can mask debilitating inner turmoil that can manifest itself in profoundly disruptive and destructive behaviors.
Bear witness as she crosses the stage. Remember the long search for answers and years of despair and chronic exhaustion. Relive the decision to place the wild child in a gated Missouri boarding school for more than three years.
The final ceremony will be a time of thankfulness, celebration and reflection for the graduate and her adoptive parents.
"I am so proud of her," said Connie Buckley, Maria’s mother. "Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine her graduating from high school, but that was her goal. She just wanted to be able to graduate from high school."
What happens to a child in early life, particularly in the first 24 months, is critical to his or her future emotional well-being. A lack of care and attention from a parent, often combined with abuse, can trigger a lifetime of extreme emotional and psychological problems known as attachment disorder. Maria has attachment disorder and most likely is affected by her mother’s alcohol consumption when she was in her uterus. By the time Maria was 6, she had been abandoned, in and out of orphanages and had stayed with an older woman who wanted to use her as a maid.
Both conditions were invisible to Maria’s new parents when she arrived in Everett in 1988 to join a family with two other children. She was just a beautiful child in need of a home.
The sad reality was Maria had no idea what a family was. With attachment disorder, the abuse and neglect children experience causes them to have an alarming disregard for other people and their feelings. Maria was no exception and acted out often.
Maria recognizes now the emotional toll her parents have endured.
"My mom has helped me tremendously," she said. "We would take each step at a time — just little steps.
"My parents have been really supportive, just knowing they wouldn’t throw me away when I had been through all that stuff."
Maria Buckley is a fortunate young woman, said John Moser, a special education teacher at Everett High School. "She almost had perfect parents for a person like her."
Tim and Connie Buckley continued to search for answers and became advocates for other families. In fact, in large part because of the family’s experience with Maria at home, Tim Buckley, a general practice physician, now specializes on counseling for families and individuals. The couple also organized a support group for parents who have children with attachment disorder.
"I ultimately feel we were led to do this," Connie Buckley said. "But when we were going through the roughest stages, I definitely was asking: Why? Why? Why?"
The decision to send Maria at age 13 to Mountain Park Baptist Boarding Academy in Missouri instilled a sense of structure and work ethic that has allowed Maria to succeed today, Moser said.
At first, the school environment was suffocating. Maria didn’t like being watched and followed 24 hours a day or being conditioned to complete tasks in a certain way. There were constant rules to abide by. She learned, however, to set boundaries in her personal life that she does not cross today.
Maria earned high school credits at the boarding school, but a huge academic gap remained when she returned to Everett in August 1999. She was initially placed in a special education life skills program at the high school, in part to give her time to adjust and succeed in the outside world.
The placement set up a battle of wills. Maria insisted to her mother that she didn’t belong there; her mother didn’t want to see her daughter’s fragile confidence shattered. The risk of an emotional setback was too great.
"She fell into a crack, and I didn’t know which end to let her out of," Connie Buckley said.
Maria’s will eventually prevailed.
With a carefully designed individualized education plan as a road map, Maria, her parents and school staff charted her course toward graduation. Maria didn’t ace her tests along the way, but she labored extremely hard, completing her assignments and redoing them when allowed, while seizing extra credit opportunities.
Her parents and experts agree Maria will need someone to watch out for her in the future, someone to remind her to ask for help when she needs it. But Moser has high hopes. "I think she is going to do well," the teacher said. "I think her parents will be amazed how well she does."
Mother and daughter know another battle of wills may eventually arise.
"My mom doesn’t think I can live on my own and support myself," she said. "I am trying to work toward that goal. I want to get my own apartment and a full-time job — just what any other person will do."
Maria Buckley will chisel away toward independence. She plans to take one course at a time at Everett Community College in pursuit of an early childhood education certificate, and she continues to find fulfillment with her after-school job at Everett’s YMCA day care center.
Working there reminds her of when she was little and living in a Bolivian orphanage — with one striking difference: The parents always come to pick up their children.
"I didn’t get the love and care of parents or someone just to like me when I was little," she said. "Now I look at them and just knowing I can help them in their lives, just seeing them happy, makes me happy."
You can call Herald Writer Eric Stevick at 425-339-3446
or send e-mail to stevick@heraldnet.com.
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