Looking to sell me? Stay out of my inbox

As ads assault the public from every direction, it’s hard to believe that there are new ways of getting hit. But Google has found a fresh avenue of attack — the cyber equivalent of shooting ads up through the floor.

The Internet search provider is coming out with an e-mail service that scans your messages, spots areas of interest, then fires off related advertisements to your inbox. Exchange e-mail messages about an upcoming trip to Mexico, and you could get ads for airlines, Spanish-language tapes and beach resorts in Costa Rica. The possibilities are endless and sickening. Google plans to hook "Gmail" customers by offering the service free and letting users store an enormous quantity of messages.

No need to worry about privacy, Google says. A computer will do the scanning, not some nosy human being. But even if Gmail preserves privacy, it still endangers sanity.

Media fighting for revenue may find this hard to believe, but the public is getting angry at the invasion — so angry that ad campaigns are becoming less effective. The American Association of Advertising Agencies addressed that grim prospect at its convention last week in Miami.

Yankelovich Partners, the marketing researcher, circulated a consumer survey in which 54 percent of respondents said they "avoid buying products that overwhelm them with advertising and marketing." In other words, over half the consumers were running their own little boycott crusades. Advertisers like to talk about establishing "emotional connections" with consumers. But the chief emotion they stir up these days seems to be rage.

So I don’t stand alone, shaking my fist at the great advertising gods as they rain repulsive commercials upon me. When advertisements — or their mode of delivery — truly offend me, I make a mental note of the sponsors and exact revenge. Just because an ad gets a rise out of me doesn’t mean it makes a sale.

Here are my personal judgments on the relative merits of advertising, starting with the benign and descending to the most malignant:

The best (and often enjoyable) promotions are print ads, be they in newspapers or magazines. People can look at them when and if they feel like it, and they often contain useful product information.

Going down a notch are any advertisements that wave American flags or promote "family values." Both patriotism and love of family are sacred ideals. Using them to sell stuff strikes sensitive folk like me as sacrilege.

Next floor down is any TV or radio ad, because the audience is captive. No one likes being force-fed commercials. When the ads are loud or disgusting, the uprising quickly ignites.

Frito-Lay and Anheuser-Busch should know that their Super Bowl performances still fry me. The Frito-Lay ad showed an old man tripping an elderly woman (to get her bag of chips), then digging his cane into the small of her back. Yuck, yuck, yuck. But the Anheuser-Busch commercial with the flatulent horse and the girl behind it (enough said) broke new ground. Neither company’s products have weighed down my shopping cart since.

Ads misusing children evoke a special revulsion. I’m still angry at Calvin Klein’s 1995 campaign to sell CK Jeans with photos of childlike models in highly suggestive poses. Sex or nudity in advertisements doesn’t bother me, but leave children out of it.

Sliding down the fiery pit are the unsolicited ads in my e-mail. Google, take note. Nearly all my e-mail correspondence is business related, and there’s little time to waste. Nice merchandisers don’t sneak in ads with misleading subject lines. It’s bad enough having to wade through the pitches for porn and pills.

The lowest rung in the advertising inferno belongs to pop-up ads. These are promotions that jump out on the computer screen just when you’re trying to do something on the Web. I don’t care how beautiful, helpful or tasteful the ad is, if it interrupts my Internet journey, its sponsor is out of my life. (Orbitz, the travel Web site, may have noted my absence of late.)

The thought of Google or any other e-mail service poring through my personal messages and firing off customized ads is pretty appalling. From there, it’s only a short tumble into the pop-up pit, and, Google should know, the flames are getting out of control.

Froma Harrop is a Providence Journal columnist. Contact her by writing to

fharrop@projo.com.

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