When a friend or family member suffers the ultimate tragedy — the death of a child — bystanders can feel helpless, not knowing how to show their compassion.
Erin Oreiro, 25, had that helpless feeling when her friend Liz Allen delivered a stillborn daughter. The baby was due to arrive in a week or so.
“It was very hard for all of us when she lost her child,” Oreiro said. “I wanted to help her.”
The Mill Creek woman joined a group Allen founded with her husband, Ethan, called A Small Victory. It offers kits that folks can send to grieving parents as a way to honor the deceased baby. Send a package immediately after the death, or years later. They offer kits for different stages of grief, Allen said.
Packages contains an array of materials, including supportive pamphlets, a necklace charm, a stuffed animal and even a booklet in which to save a lock of the baby’s hair.
For more information about their tools for healthy grieving, visit www.asmallvictory.org.
Baby Janell Victory Allen was stillborn July 25, 2004. Allen will never forget the delivery.
“I listened hard for a cry or a breath, any sound to tell me that it was a mistake and she was alive,” Allen said. “The nurses cleaned her up and wrapped her in a baby koala blanket and put a little hat on her head.”
She since has delivered two healthy babies, a boy and a girl. But Janell is always in her mind and heart. At the time of her loss, she said, there wasn’t enough support or information available.
“I wish we took pictures of her, spent more time with her, had a service in her memory,” said Allen, of Covington in south King County. “In situations like this there will always be regret and guilt somewhere. We miss her more than anyone could imagine. We had no idea how much you could love someone you had never met.”
Every year, roughly 576,000 babies die between 14 weeks of gestation and one month of life, she said. There are more deaths due to miscarriage, stillbirth and neonatal loss than there are to cancer or heart attacks, she said.
“And that is not even including the one in four who miscarry in the first trimester of pregnancy. There are literally thousands of families out there who need support so that they can have a healthy approach to grief, and they need hope to know that they can live on remembering their lost children.”
Oreiro, who has been friends with Allen since third grade, is the volunteer director of resource development for A Small Victory. She aims to become a veterinary technician. She said after the stillbirth, she learned about life and death.
“You never realize how many expectations are placed on that little life, until it isn’t there anymore,” Oreiro said. “We all just assume that you get pregnant and have a baby.” That often is not the case, she said. “It was a harsh lesson to learn so young.”
The group hopes Providence Regional Medical Center Everett and Stevens Hospital in Edmonds will offer the kits to patients. A Small Victory helps hospitals with bereavement programs, Oreiro said.
“There are literally thousands of families out there who need support so that they can have a healthy approach to grief,” she said. “They need hope to know that they can live on remembering their lost children.”
Kristi O’Harran: 425-339-3451, oharran@heraldnet.com.
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