This is what happens on the scanner when people go insane during the holidays:
“He’s balding but has poofier hair on the sides like a clown. You might want to see if that’s him.”
“Caller believes she may have overdosed on alcohol. She drank half a bottle of bourbon ev
ery day for the last few days.”
“A 15-year-old male got his finger stuck in a bicycle. He is conscious, possibly bleeding from the finger … we’ll send (police).”
Cop 1: “You couldn’t spot any weirdos there?
Cop 2: “Well, there were plenty of weirdos, but the key one had already left.”
“We’re going to have to talk to this neighbor. He’s wearing an orange jacket, about 6-foot-4, running around up there, like Commando, looking for burglars with his gun and whatnot.”
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