Cell phones are no laughing matter.
That’s what Brian Trendler of Lynnwood would like you to believe.
But if you listened to his speech at the recent Toastmasters International District 2 Fall Conference in Everett, you would realize they are a laughing matter.
So much so that Trendler’s speech won first place in the humor competition.
The winner of the Table Topics contest was Sherry Tuckett of West Seattle. Table Topics are up to two-minute speeches on a topic provided immediately prior to the speech.
Six people competed in each contest, having won at the club, area and division levels to get there. There are 126 clubs in the district and about 2,000 members.
The conference also included education sessions for speaking, leadership and life skills, including “Story Telling,” “Adding Impact to Your Speech” and “Improvisational Techniques.”
Marjorie Carlson, district public relations officer, said Trendler’s winning speech was a highlight of the event. He’s been a Toastmaster for about 10 years.
Following are excerpts from Trendler’s speech, “I Got It.”
“I stand in front of you today and ask one simple question: Who here has a cellular phone on them?”
(A large number of hands shoot up.)
“Wow, all right. So how many of you took the time to turn off your cellphone, or at least put the ringer on the vibrate function, before this speech?”
(Fewer hands rise.)
“Ah hah! I’m here to talk to you about an amazing piece of technology that gives us freedom, communication and connectivity, but also binds us like a vice to the office, family, friends and even people you may not want to communicate to.
“I’m here to provide some personal examples of these travesties, and more importantly, share some ways you can either help correct them, or even teach them a lesson or two.
“My wife and I were walking down the mall the other day. We were stuck behind a line of six young adults, probably 12 to 16 years old. Each one had a different walk, wear and a cellphone fused to their ears as they each held different conversations.
“Not to be outdone, I decided to strut up behind the kids, yank my pants down to the ‘moon over troubled water’ mark and began to imitate them.
(He pulls out one side of his shirt, slouches and begins jumping around the stage, imitating gestures and signs and acting outlandish.)
“Whoa dude, you wouldn’t believe the 411 on those girls over there, they’re like, cool mo dee chillin’ effect, ya’ll! You wouldn’t be able to face the truth, bro! Thez like stone-cold trippin’ over ma straight face dawg! Aw right, you git on, check back later! Peace out!
“Folks, you should have seen the looks on these kids’ faces when they realized I may have been imitating them. They started straightening up their postures, pulling up their pants and walking a bit faster.
“The point I’m trying to make here is that there are times when you should consider not having your cellphone – a wedding, a funeral, a movie.
“I was dragged to that Brad Pitt film recently. I’m sure you’re going to recognize it by the fact that I spent over two painful hours watching togas, skirts and spears.
“At the heart-stopping scene, with my wife’s fingernails digging deeper into my forearm, the cellphone of the guy sitting in front of us launches into a song that ruined the whole scene for all of us moviegoers.
“Oh when the saints, come marching in …”
“It’s this type of uncaring attitude and lack of courtesy that makes me crazy. People just don’t seem to care who they annoy and distract with their phone calls anymore.
(Just as he holds up the cellphone to the audience like he’s about to throw it in anger, it rings loudly. He stops, sheepishly looks at the phone, then slowly opens it to answer the call.)
“Yeah, hi honey. No. Can’t really talk right now. Sure, OK. What am I doing? Ha ha, only giving a speech in front of 200 people. Yeah, Toastmasters. When will the event be over? Well, honey you know these Toastmasters, ha ha. OK, gotta go honey. Yeah, I do too. No, I’m not going to say that here. Don’t get mad. (Turning slightly from the audience, then speaking in gooey voice.) I love you more. No, I love you more.
(Click. He ends the cell call and addresses the audience reluctantly.)
“All righty then, folks, that was embarrassing, but a perfect example of what I meant.”
Toastmasters helps members learn the arts of speaking, listening and thinking. To find a nonprofit club in your area, go to www.toastmasters-d2.org.
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