The host we love to hate

  • RANDY ADAMS / edge correspondent
  • Monday, September 11, 2000 9:00pm
  • Local News

Dr. Real: Good morning, listeners. Welcome to “The Dr. Real Show,” the radio program that tells its pretentious, ignorant callers how to solve their self-created problems. Our first caller is Laura from New York who says she’s having problems fitting in at work. Hello, Laura. How low have you sunk?

Dr. Laura: Hello, Dr. Real. I’m a first-time caller. I don’t know why people don’t like me. It just seems like everywhere I go these days, someone is protesting my new TV show or a corporation is pulling its sponsorship.

Dr. Real: And why do you think they’re doing that?

Dr. Laura: Well, they’re a little mad that I said single mothers can’t raise children correctly. But you’ve got to agree with me, Doctor, children who grow up in those broken homes are sure to turn out to be hooligans.

Dr. Real: What about all the nonhooligan children who have been raised by single mothers?

Dr. Laura: That must be some kind of biological error.

Dr. Real: Right. Is that the only reason you’ve caused controversy?

Dr. Laura: Not exactly. For some reason, people are taking offense to my calling homosexuals deviant. That bunch of genetic misfits has been riding my tail since my plans for a TV show were announced.

Dr. Real: I can see how that might upset some people. So you said that gays and lesbians shouldn’t be parents as well?

Dr. Laura: And I suggested that gay men are all pedophiles.

Dr. Real: Laura, I have to say-

Dr. Laura: That’s Dr. Laura. I may not be recognized by the medical community, but I feel comfortable taking a title that most others have to go to college to earn.

Dr. Real: You’re not even a real doctor?!

Dr. Laura: Not to some people. But now companies like AT&T and Radio Shack have dropped their sponsorships! What am I going to do?

Dr. Real: Laura, I’ll give you some advice. First of all, drop the title; you’re not fooling anyone. Secondly, recognize that in our society, millions of single mothers working so hard to raise their kids don’t need your outdated rhetoric telling them that they’re effectively abusing their children. And about all that gay bashing, get with the times. Your “biological error” friends are a part of our culture, while your 1950s closed-mindedness is quickly waning.

Dr. Laura: Then I guess you and all your other sinful friends will have fun burning in hell together! (click)

Dr. Real: Next on the line we have Howard, who says his objectification of females is making it hard for him to meet new friends…

SELECT *

FROM feedback

WHERE Story LIKE ‘../Stories/00/9/12/12932389.cfm’

AND Dateverified LIKE ‘verified’

ORDER BY Dateposted

Talk back

Talk to us

More in Local News

NO CAPTION NECESSARY: Logo for the Cornfield Report by Jerry Cornfield. 20200112
No right turns on red gets a look, a bid to expand sports betting arrives

It’s a new week. Here’s what’s happening on Day 22 of the 2023 session of the Washington Legislature

A man was injured and a woman found dead Sunday night after an RV fire in Marysville. (Marysville Fire District)
Woman dead, man burned in Marysville RV fire

The Snohomish County Fire Marshal’s Office and Marysville Police Department were investigating the cause of the fire.

The final 747 is revealed during a celebration in Everett, Washington on Tuesday, Jan. 31, 2023. The plane was rolled out Dec. 6 from the Everett assembly factory and delivered to the customer, Atlas Air. (Annie Barker / The Herald)
‘Still jaw-dropping’: Last Boeing 747 takes the stage in Everett

Thousands, including actor John Travolta, gathered at Boeing’s Everett factory to bid goodbye to the “Queen of the Skies.”

Logo for news use, for stories regarding Washington state government — Olympia, the Legislature and state agencies. No caption necessary. 20220331
Lobbyist barred from WA Capitol after ruling he stalked representative

State Rep. Lauren Davis, D-Shoreline, obtained a domestic violence protective order against longtime lobbyist Cody Arledge.

(Lake Stevens School District)
Charges dropped for Lake Stevens teacher accused of harassing student

Prosecutors won’t pursue misdemeanor sexual assault charges against Mark Hein, who “has been absolved of wrongdoing,” his attorney said.

Karla Wislon holds a champagne glass while celebrating the closing sale of her home in Palm Springs, Ca. on May 14, 2021. (Family photo)
Former state Rep. Karla Wilson, 88, remembered as ‘smart, energetic’

Wilson served the 39th Legislative district from 1985 to 1991. She died Dec. 31.

Federal agents seized many pounds of meth and heroin, along with thousands of suspected fentanyl pills, at a 10-acre property east of Arlington in mid-December 2020. (U.S. Attorney’s Office) 20201223
Leader of Snohomish County fentanyl, meth ring gets federal prison

A search of Cesar Valdez-Sanudo’s property in Arlington unearthed kilos of drugs and hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Logo for news use featuring Whidbey Island in Island County, Washington. 220118
Port of Coupeville to make offer on Oak Harbor airport

The Port of Coupeville continues to pursue ownership of the A.J. Eisenberg Airport near Oak Harbor.

James Lewis
COVID still ‘simmering’ in the county, while booster uptake remains low

Meanwhile, flu and RSV cases have plummeted, suggesting the “tripledemic” could — emphasis on “could” — be fading.

Most Read