The host we love to hate

  • RANDY ADAMS / edge correspondent
  • Monday, September 11, 2000 9:00pm
  • Local News

Dr. Real: Good morning, listeners. Welcome to “The Dr. Real Show,” the radio program that tells its pretentious, ignorant callers how to solve their self-created problems. Our first caller is Laura from New York who says she’s having problems fitting in at work. Hello, Laura. How low have you sunk?

Dr. Laura: Hello, Dr. Real. I’m a first-time caller. I don’t know why people don’t like me. It just seems like everywhere I go these days, someone is protesting my new TV show or a corporation is pulling its sponsorship.

Dr. Real: And why do you think they’re doing that?

Dr. Laura: Well, they’re a little mad that I said single mothers can’t raise children correctly. But you’ve got to agree with me, Doctor, children who grow up in those broken homes are sure to turn out to be hooligans.

Dr. Real: What about all the nonhooligan children who have been raised by single mothers?

Dr. Laura: That must be some kind of biological error.

Dr. Real: Right. Is that the only reason you’ve caused controversy?

Dr. Laura: Not exactly. For some reason, people are taking offense to my calling homosexuals deviant. That bunch of genetic misfits has been riding my tail since my plans for a TV show were announced.

Dr. Real: I can see how that might upset some people. So you said that gays and lesbians shouldn’t be parents as well?

Dr. Laura: And I suggested that gay men are all pedophiles.

Dr. Real: Laura, I have to say-

Dr. Laura: That’s Dr. Laura. I may not be recognized by the medical community, but I feel comfortable taking a title that most others have to go to college to earn.

Dr. Real: You’re not even a real doctor?!

Dr. Laura: Not to some people. But now companies like AT&T and Radio Shack have dropped their sponsorships! What am I going to do?

Dr. Real: Laura, I’ll give you some advice. First of all, drop the title; you’re not fooling anyone. Secondly, recognize that in our society, millions of single mothers working so hard to raise their kids don’t need your outdated rhetoric telling them that they’re effectively abusing their children. And about all that gay bashing, get with the times. Your “biological error” friends are a part of our culture, while your 1950s closed-mindedness is quickly waning.

Dr. Laura: Then I guess you and all your other sinful friends will have fun burning in hell together! (click)

Dr. Real: Next on the line we have Howard, who says his objectification of females is making it hard for him to meet new friends…

SELECT *

FROM feedback

WHERE Story LIKE ‘../Stories/00/9/12/12932389.cfm’

AND Dateverified LIKE ‘verified’

ORDER BY Dateposted

Talk back

Talk to us

> Give us your news tips.

> Send us a letter to the editor.

> More Herald contact information.

More in Local News

Snohomish residents Barbara Bailey, right, and Beth Jarvis sit on a gate atop a levee on Bailey’s property on Monday, May 13, 2024, at Bailey Farm in Snohomish, Washington. Bailey is concerned the expansion of nearby Harvey Field Airport will lead to levee failures during future flood events due to a reduction of space for floodwater to safely go. (Ryan Berry / The Herald)
Harvey Field seeks to reroute runway in floodplain, faces new pushback

Snohomish farmers and neighbors worry the project will be disruptive and worsen flooding. Ownership advised people to “read the science.”

Grayson Huff, left, a 4th grader at Pinewood Elementary, peeks around his sign during the Marysville School District budget presentation on Tuesday, Nov. 28, 2023 in Marysville, Washington. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
State OKs Marysville plan with schools, jobs on chopping block

The revised plan would mean the loss of dozens of jobs and two schools — still to be identified — in a school district staring down a budget crunch.

IAM District 751 machinists join the picket line to support Boeing firefighters during their lockout from the company on Thursday, May 16, 2024, in Everett, Washington. (Ryan Berry / The Herald)
Amid lockout, Boeing, union firefighters return to bargaining table

The firefighters and the planemaker held limited negotiations this week: They plan to meet again Monday, but a lockout continues.

The Trestle’s junction with I-5 is under evaluation (Kevin Clark / The Herald)
Here’s your chance to give feedback on the US 2 trestle and its future

Often feel overwhelmed, vulnerable and on shaky ground? So is the trestle. A new $17 million study seeks solutions for the route east of Everett.

John Pederson lifts a flag in the air while himself and other maintenance crew set up flags for Memorial Day at Floral Hills Cemetery on Friday, May 24, 2024 in Lynnwood, Washington. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
Volunteers place thousands of flags by veterans’ graves in Lynnwood

Ahead of Memorial Day, local veterans ensure fellow military service members are never forgotten.

Brian Hennessy leads a demonstration of equipment used in fire training at the Maritime Institute in Everett, Washington on Wednesday, May 22, 2024. (Annie Barker / The Herald)
‘Ready to go full sail’: Maritime Institute embarks at Port of Everett

The training facility offers Coast Guard-certified courses for recreational boaters and commerical vessel operators.

George Beard poses for a photo outside of the the Stanwood Library in Stanwood, Washington on Wednesday, May 8, 2024.  (Annie Barker / The Herald)
From sick to the streets: How an illness left a Stanwood man homeless

Medical bills wiped out George Beard’s savings. Left to heal in his car, he got sicker. Now, he’s desperate for housing. It could take years.

Logo for news use featuring Snohomish County, Washington. 220118
Lawsuit says Snohomish County deputies not justified in Sultan shooting

Two deputies repeatedly shot an unarmed Sultan man last year, body camera video shows. An internal investigation is pending.

An airplane is parked at Gate M9 on Tuesday, May 21, 2024 at O’Hare International Airport in Chicago, Illinois. (Jordan Hansen/The Herald)
Good luck to Memorial Day travelers: If you’re like me, you’ll need it

I spent a night in the Chicago airport. I wouldn’t recommend it — but with flight delays near an all-time high, you might want to pack a pillow.

toon
Editorial cartoons for Friday, May 24

A sketchy look at the news of the day.… Continue reading

Cascade’s Mia Walker, right, cries and hugs teammate Allison Gehrig after beating Gig Harbor on Thursday, May 23, 2024 in Lacey, Washington. (Olivia Vanni / The Herald)
Seniors Wilson, Tripp power Cascade softball past Gig Harbor

The pair combined for three homers as the Bruins won the Class 3A state softball opening-round game.

The original Mountlake Terrace City Council, Patricia Neibel bottom right, with city attorney, sign incorporation ordinance in 1954. (Photo provided by the City of Mountlake Terrace)
Patricia Neibel, last inaugural MLT council member, dies at 97

The first woman on the council lived by the motto, “Why not me?” — on the council, at a sheriff’s office in Florida, or at a leper colony in Thailand.

Support local journalism

If you value local news, make a gift now to support the trusted journalism you get in The Daily Herald. Donations processed in this system are not tax deductible.