Vigil notes abuse victims

EVERETT – They stood in a close circle, under a gray, rainy sky, their faces aglow with candlelight.

Many in the small group, composed mostly of women, have survived domestic violence.

They held a candlelight vigil Wednesday evening outside the Snohomish County Courthouse to show their support for victims of domestic violence. It was also a time to support each other.

“This is a group of survivors who want to bring an awareness of domestic violence, and to show others the hope we all have,” said survivor Pam Nelson, 51, of Bothell.

Since the late 1980s, October has been nationally recognized as Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

Most of the people who gathered at the courthouse Wednesday are members of the Snohomish County Center for Battered Women. The center has dozens of beds, but not enough to shelter everyone who needs it, Nelson said.

Several of the women shared their stories during the candlelight vigil. In several cases, their boyfriends or husbands had control of their finances. The attacks against them were careful and calculated, so as not to draw attention from neighbors, they said.

“There’s nobody there when (he) is doing this to you,” Nelson said. “It’s her word against his.”

Men are also victims of domestic violence, and more often than people may believe, said Mark Mahnkey, a member of The Other Parent, an advocacy group for noncustodial parents.

The majority of services for victims of domestic violence are geared toward women and children, Mahnkey said.

“Men, either due to socialization or (trying to be macho), are not willing to come forward, are not willing to complain or are not willing to raise the red flag,” Mahnkey said. “They deal with it in other ways; suicide, depression or they suck it up.”

Victims of domestic violence should have more places to go for help, and the law should be tougher on offenders, Nelson said.

“We feel helpless,” she said.

Reporter Scott Pesznecker: 425-339-3436 or spesznecker@heraldnet.com.

For more information about the Snohomish County Center for Battered Women, call 425-259-2827 or the centers 24-hour hotline at 425-252-2873. For information about The Other Parent, call 425-304-7920.