A little clarification regarding his plans

Nobody seems to understand our beloved president, so I will explain. He is planning a faith-based missile defense system to defend against the Evil Empire. His plan will strengthen our corporate giants in the arms industry. Of course, he does not plan to hit an itty-bitty target far out in space. He knows that’s a stupid idea, but not to worry. Push come to shove, he will preemptively invade or nuke any nation with the remotest chance of sending rockets at us or interfering with oil profits.

He plans to use intelligent design to build his missiles, and that doesn’t refer to German scientists, it means his missiles will evolve according to a divine master plan. If you don’t understand that logic, please see your local Christian fundamentalist school board member. Intelligent design means that weird things like Democrats, evolution, missiles or a weak dollar are far too complex for human understanding, so we have to have faith in guiding powers such as the vice president and propaganda chief Karl Rove. As to the weak dollar: well, we really don’t want the average American traveling overseas and being exposed to those prosperous socialist democracies. The huge budget deficit? No problem since the rapture is coming at the end of W’s second term, missiles or not, and the financial slate will be wiped clean while the righteous ones – the ones on the right – will live forever in a Texas paradise.

Julian I. Taber


Talk to us

More in Opinion

Editorial cartoons for Tuesday, Jan. 31

A sketchy look at the news of the day.… Continue reading

Marysville School District Superintendent Zac Robbins, who took his role as head of the district last year, speaks during an event kicking off a pro-levy campaign heading into a February election on Thursday, Jan. 5, 2023, at the Marysville Historical Society Museum in Marysville, Washington. (Ryan Berry / The Herald)
Editorial: Voters have role in providing strong schools

A third levy failure for Marysville schools would cause even deeper cuts to what students are owed.

Marysville school levy provides better schools at lower tax

As an educator in Marysville, I feel compelled to share how important… Continue reading

Murders of Ahmadi Muslims in West Africa must be condemned

President Biden on Jan. 13 mentioned the importance of preserving religious freedoms… Continue reading

Comment: Anti-cop riot in Atlanta was out-of-town thuggery

A protest against a police training facility was an opportunity for antifa followers to wield violence.

Comment: Economists failed middle-class Americans on inflation

They delayed action because wages were stagnant, ignoring the impact of prices on families.

Comment: Dry January encourages a look at our drinking habits

More than a month-long break for the liver, some are reassessing alcohol’s effects on their daily lives.

Editorial cartoons for Monday, Jan. 30

A sketchy look at the news of the day.… Continue reading

Vivian Dong, the founder of Safe Lynnwood, leads a group of protesters from the future site of a methadone clinic to the nearby Alderwood Boys & Girls Club on Saturday, Jan. 14, 2023, in Lynnwood, Washington. (Ryan Berry / The Herald)
Editorial: Don’t let fear foil answers to opioid, other crises

A methadone clinic and mental health facility deserve communities’ support, not their opposition.

Most Read