Nobody seems to understand our beloved president, so I will explain. He is planning a faith-based missile defense system to defend against the Evil Empire. His plan will strengthen our corporate giants in the arms industry. Of course, he does not plan to hit an itty-bitty target far out in space. He knows that’s a stupid idea, but not to worry. Push come to shove, he will preemptively invade or nuke any nation with the remotest chance of sending rockets at us or interfering with oil profits.
He plans to use intelligent design to build his missiles, and that doesn’t refer to German scientists, it means his missiles will evolve according to a divine master plan. If you don’t understand that logic, please see your local Christian fundamentalist school board member. Intelligent design means that weird things like Democrats, evolution, missiles or a weak dollar are far too complex for human understanding, so we have to have faith in guiding powers such as the vice president and propaganda chief Karl Rove. As to the weak dollar: well, we really don’t want the average American traveling overseas and being exposed to those prosperous socialist democracies. The huge budget deficit? No problem since the rapture is coming at the end of W’s second term, missiles or not, and the financial slate will be wiped clean while the righteous ones – the ones on the right – will live forever in a Texas paradise.
Julian I. Taber
Clinton
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