Without delay, let’s put the real time, curated headlines in proper context.
“NBC to air opening ceremony of Rio Olympics on 1-hour delay”: NBC Sports Group Chair Mark Lazarus said the delay will allow producers to “curate” the coverage to provide proper context. Hmm. It would seem the “proper context” is the opening ceremony of the Olympics. People don’t need “curated” coverage, just regular coverage, in real time.
“PBS admits using old fireworks footage in Fourth of July broadcast”: Sheesh, PBS. It was only after viewers pointed out anomalies, such as a clear sky instead of the day’s actual weather — fog and rain — that the station admitted its deception, with the usual pseudo apology. “Because this year’s fireworks were difficult to see due to the weather, we made the decision to intercut fireworks footage from previous A Capitol Fourth concerts for the best possible television viewing experience,” the show’s organizers said. “We apologize for any confusion this may have caused.”
Of course, if PBS had been up front, instead of fakey, there wouldn’t have been any cause for “confusion.” Your viewers, PBS, can handle the truth. And point it out, if need be, like they did here.
“Florida woman driving while praying with her eyes closed crashes into house”: Hmm. Is there a modern version of the Bible wherein Jesus instructs people to go to their car, close their doors and eyes, and pray?
”Endangered ferrets are being saved by drones that drop vaccine-laced M&Ms”: Might this be a way to get the children of certain anti-science parents the vaccines they need? Kidding! It’s just that combining drones and vaccines is too good for a conspiracy theorist to pass up. Plus, ferrets and M&Ms.
“Advocates hope shaming drugmakers discourages price spikes”: Uh, good luck with that. Shame is very outdated these days, and besides, Big Pharma regularly takes an anti-ethics antidote concocted by them for them.
“Texas woman sounds British after surgery”: Other accents available so far: French, Italian and “The Charo.” If you combine an accent upgrade with plastic surgery, you get a 20 percent discount. In actuality, the woman really does have “foreign accent syndrome,” which is a real thing, y’all.
“Tom Brady won’t appeal suspension to Supreme Court”: Really? What a let down. Because aren’t all civic-minded Americans awaiting a comprehensive clarification of the nation’s deflated football laws?
”La Cage aux Follicles: French president employs personal barber for $11,000 a month”: Hahahaha. The headline of the week goes to The Wall Street Journal. And the article contains this sentence, “You can reproach me for anything, but not for this,” Mr. Hollande said of the hair flap.
Is “hair flap” French for “comb-over”?
Carol MacPherson: 425-339-3472; email@example.com.