Bad movies shouldn’t trump bad traffic

Let’s give the headlines some noogies:

“?‘50 Shades’ sequel to disrupt Viaduct traffic”: This just a week after the Viaduct was closed in case Bertha-related activities caused destruction. And as the SnoCo Squeeze continues. Demonstrating patience while real and necessary road work is being done is one thing. Trying to be patient with traffic backed up due to the filming of the sequel to “50 Shades of Grey” is quite another. Nothing sexy, or erotic here, just a lot of traffic bondage and 50 Shades of Road Rage.

How close are we to an entirely synthetic human?”: Hopefully not close at all. Aren’t all the people who have had way too much plastic surgery a cautionary tale?

Eiffel Tower to be turned into a Euro 2016 rental apartment”: Wow. That Airbnb is really catching on. Someone should probably check on Craigslist to see if an enterprising person is trying to rent out the Space Needle.

Corpse flower blooms at Galveston’s Moody Gardens”: The rare flower stinks powerfully when it blooms, which is only for a short time, and only every two to 20 years or so. This particular plant is playfully named “Morticia,” even though the flower’s scientific name, Amorphophallus titanum, which alludes to another of its dramatic features, would suggest a boy’s name might be more fitting. (“Lurch” might actually work.)

Google patents ‘pedestrian glue’ for self-driving cars”: This is in case they hit someone. They are betting that being stuck to the car is safer than bouncing off it. That will remain to be seen. Meanwhile, what a fine commuting idea. You can definitely drive in the HOV lane if you have three or more pedestrians stuck to your car.

Google and Levi’s launch the first ‘smart’ jean jacket for urban cyclists”: It allows a person, once they are stuck to a self-driving Google car after being hit by it, to measure their vital signs, and locate their bike. Or, they can wriggle out of the jacket, and set themselves free.

Dad belatedly realizes he’s live streaming son’s birth”: Apparently it was on Facebook’s “public feed,” when he thought it was only going to his family and friends. The fact that he was streaming it to anyone just goes to show that human beings have tremendously different ideas about what should be private, and what should be shared. Vive la différence! (Odds are good, however, that the baby has already been the target of some direct Facebook advertising … like the metaphorical reverse of cutting the umbilical cord.)

The trendiest hairstyle the year you were born”: Well, that’s kind of a fun idea. But even better would be to look up the trendiest hairstyle during your senior year of high school, to which you can then compare and contrast your senior year photo. (That’s of course if you have time to click through a 74-photo slide show.)

Work “Fifty Shades of Schadenfreude” into a sentence this week.

Carol MacPherson: 425-339-3472; cmacpherson@heraldnet.com.

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