Bankruptcy seems like a great idea

I would like to take this opportunity to announce that, hitherto, I would like to be known as Me, Inc. Secondly, I am immediately filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy.

I would like to reassure my friends and family that it will be “business as usual” during this temporary restructuring of my situation. I am tired of paying my mortgage and other bills every month, as I have done for decades now. I plan to reorganize myself.

As a consequence of simultaneously changing my name to Me, Inc. I am confident that nothing about the way I operate will change (see the K-Mart ads in the paper every Sunday). Additionally, I expect to receive many offers in the mail for credit cards and other loans (see “U.S. Airways files for Chapter 11, secures $500 million in financing”). Lastly, should creditors not come clamoring for my business, I will expect the federal government to assist in my endeavors to accumulate more debt by guaranteeing any loans that I wish to take.

Hopefully, with these changes, I will now be able to afford to purchase a new Webster’s dictionary. The one I currently have is broken; under bankruptcy is says “a person who becomes insolvent … one who is destitute.”

Snohomish