There was a time when, Monday through Friday, I had to commute to and from Seattle.
On a good day – and there weren’t, by God, enough of them – I made the trip in about 30 minutes. On a bad day, it was an hour plus.
These days, my workplace is only 10 minutes and two stoplights away. My blood pressure records the difference.
During that earlier daily commute, however, I had time to notice a lot of things. None were particularly earth shaking, but here they are anyway:
* There are a lot of loud stereos out there. They were usually in cars with blacked-out windows driven by kids who wore baseball caps sideways – not with the peak to the front as the Good Lord intended. Whenever I heard a stereo loud enough to shake the road, I found myself hoping that some study would prove those things sterilized the driver. Brain damage, I thought, was a given.
* A stick of chewing gum usually lost its flavor before I got to the King County line. I don’t know what they mean by “longer-lasting flavor,” but it should be more than what it is.
* Staying in one lane gets you where you’re going – on average – just about as fast as jumping from one lane to the other. It keeps you saner, too.
* There aren’t as many funny bumper stickers as there used to be. I don’t consider “— Happens” funny. “Visualize Whirled Peas” still gets me chuckling, though.
* Some women spend serious time applying makeup while driving. The jury’s out on which operation they take more seriously. I think I know, but I’m smart enough not to put it in writing.
* As for us guys, some of us must believe we have one-way glass in our vehicles. Otherwise we wouldn’t be so blas about performing mining operations in the middle of our faces.
* People who use cell phones in cars aren’t driving. They’re moving while talking. In a perfect world, the instant you picked one up, the engine would quit. No. The driver’s seat would burst into flames.
* Many drivers around here make room for others to get onto the freeway. It’s a little thing, but it makes for the start of a good day.
* A lot of gun racks have umbrellas in them. This is, after all, Seattle.
* Be careful what you and your “significant other” are doing when a pickup is alongside. The view is pretty good from up there. I drive a pickup. I know what I’m talking about.
* No matter how hard you try, you can’t balance a cup of coffee on the dashboard. And don’t even think about putting it between your legs.
* The sand mix they use when it snows usually ends up on the shoulder of the road after the snow melts. Trying to stop on it when it’s dry is about like trying to stop on ice. Someone should look into that.
* Vanity plates take too long to decipher. I did, however, see a very simple one on a Rolls-Royce that said “MINE.” I liked that one.
* Never try to roll the passenger side window up or down from the driver’s seat. That little escapade led to a three-car fender-bender one morning. I don’t think the “roller-upper” ever saw it coming.
* The jelly from a jelly doughnut will usually end up in your lap if you try to eat one while driving. If you try wrapping it in a napkin, you’ll just get a bite of paper.
* KIXI is a pretty good radio station. I don’t play it when my wife or kids are with me, though. They already think I’m an old fogey. Still, I enjoy listening to songs that were popular in the ’40s and ’50s – the ones with understandable lyrics and soothing melodies that had nothing to do with behavior and language more commonly found in seedy bars.
* I’ve come to believe that “BMW” means “Belongs to My Wife.”
* Unmarked patrol cars are still pretty obvious. Those 15 or so antennae, blue lights on the rear shelf, and fat tires kind of give it away.
* No matter how wide they make I-5, every lane will still be filled. Put the money into something else.
* People who sing along with the radio look happy and would probably make great friends.
* Black ice is expensive. I still have a bill for $8,578.39 to prove it.
Larry Simoneaux lives in Edmonds. Comments can be sent to larrysim@att.net.
Talk to us
> Give us your news tips.
> Send us a letter to the editor.
> More Herald contact information.
