Saw a story in the news.
It was a while back, but it was there. Swear it was.
It said that sales of “low carb” (see: tastes like cardboard) foods may have peaked.
Be still, my beating heart.
Soon, carbohydrates may be allowed out of food prison to rejoin menus everywhere.
This is a good thing because, if carbohydrates were evil, the good Lord wouldn’t have invented white bread – a major ingredient in any proper tomato sandwich.
Anyway, since we’re regaining our senses as regards breads and pasta, this may be a good time to review the bidding on foods and diets and whatnot.
Think back on all of the stuff that was supposed to be easing us into early graves.
Turned out that things like coffee, eggs, butter, cheese, milk, Cheetos, etc., can actually be consumed without losing sleep.
Some scientists went out on a limb and said that alcohol can be good for us. Brave souls. Former Marines, likely.
Don’t get me wrong. I know that certain foods are trouble. Liver being good for us is still the biggest lie out there.
I just have a tough time worrying about the effects of something that may cause problems in .01 percent of all rats tested when said rats consumed the human equivalent of 10 tons of this or 500 gallons of that every day for six months.
Truth be told, I never much cared whether a rat was having a bad dietary day and I’ve always taken such warnings with a grain of salt. (Sorry, couldn’t resist.)
For instance, some would have us believe that hot dogs are just this side of plutonium on the “danger to the human race” scale.
News flash: Hot dogs are an important part of life as we know it. Put a hot dog stand next to a tofu stand at a ball game. See where the line forms. Tough to convince anyone that the occasional hot dog is death on a bun.
Movie popcorn? Same thing.
Lunch without a cookie or two? No problem, as long as the unit of measure isn’t “bags.”
Still, the food nuts can sure get us going.
Remember when oat bran was supposed to cure everything from toenail fungus to hair loss? About half my generation scrambled to buy anything with the word “oat” attached to it.
Shortly thereafter, another study said that about all “oat” anything did was keep us regular.
Bottled water. It’s still having a good run, but we’re about to run out of names. There are only so many variations of “Pure Crystal,” “Mountain Crystal,” “Crystal Spring,” “Pure Mountain,” and “Spring Mountain Pure Crystal” out there. And, whenever I see a bottle of this stuff, I start wondering what’s wrong with what I drink from the tap. If what’s coming out of my faucet isn’t up to snuff, the folks at the water department have some serious explaining – and refunding – to do.
Fat. My grandmother, Cora Wells, lived into her 90s. She’d have given the health police fits. She ate and drank whatever she wanted. When her heart finally stopped beating, it wasn’t because of her diet. It was just tired.
A basic ingredient in most (if not all) of her recipes was bacon grease. She always had a can of it on the stove and, because of this, I came to believe it was as much a part of the stove as the knobs on the front.
Her coffee was something else, too. As in the A-bomb was something else. Take a drip pot. Fill the upper half with ground coffee. Boil a pot of water. Ladle the water over the grounds until you have one full cup. Throw the “used” grounds away. Drink.
Her coffee was Dr. Frankenstein’s “Plan B” if the lightning didn’t work.
I’d dearly love it if someone out there would “discover” a diet with words like “variety” and “moderation” sprinkled through it. He or she might even stretch the boundaries a bit and say that we can pretty much eat anything we want if we keep those two words – and a bit of exercise – in mind.
Fame, fortune and the adulation of a grateful world await the individual who does this.
In the meantime, however, tomorrow morning I’ll pour myself a second cup of coffee. Then, I’m going to look for the article that says a bit of bacon isn’t going to kill me.
I may even throw caution to the wind and have a second piece of buttered toast.
Just to celebrate the return of carbohydrates.
About darned time, too.
Larry Simoneaux lives in Edmonds. Comments can be sent to larrysim@att.net.
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