Close your eyes and light up

Come to where the cancer is: The FDA has ordered tobacco companies to redesign their cigarette packs to include one of nine graphic images including diseased lungs and a man smoking through a hole in his esophagus.

And wait until you see what the FDA has is mind for Big Mac cartons, Budweiser cans and bags of Cheetos.

—

Chase what matters: JPMorgan Chase agreed to pay $153.6 million to settle civil fraud charges after it failed to tell investors that a hedge fund that helped select an investment portfolio had bet on it to fail, contributing to the housing collapse.

In order to pay the settlement, Chase, which made a profit of $17.4 billion last year, emptied out the jar it keeps on the receptionist’s desk to tip bike messengers and pizza delivery guys.

—

Too big to fall: The New York Legislature is considering a bill that would allow a member of the daredevil Wallenda family to attempt a tightrope walk across Niagara Falls. Supporters say the stunt will bring tourism and publicity to the economically troubled city of Niagara Falls.

The Buzz likes the idea but thinks Niagara Falls could bring in even more tourists if, instead of a Flying Wallenda, executives from JPMorgan Chase are prodded onto a tightrope across the falls.

—