Doomsday bunkers hot buy

Have you finished your April Fools Day shopping yet? Only four more days left! Let’s look at the headlines:

•”Sales of luxe doomsday bunkers up 1,000 percent“: Events in Japan and the Middle East have increased sales of bunkers anywhere from 20 percent to 1,000 percent, CNNMoney.com reported.

Northwest Shelter Systems, an Idaho company that offers shelters ranging in price from $200,000 to $20 million, has seen sales surge 70 percent since the uprisings in the Middle East, with the Japanese earthquake generating further interest, CNN reported. The company has 12 bunkers already booked, when it normally sells four per year.

So, despite the doomsday nature of these times, this is a good-news economic report. Who said sales of new homes, er, bunkers, were down? And there must be slightly lower-tier action going on as well — people who can’t afford a brand new bunker but are nonetheless splurging to upgrade their outdated Y2K shelters, which are so 1999. Doesn’t A&E have a “Flip This Bunker” series?

•”Arizona golf course hole is par 5 and 3 mountain lions“: Finally, something to spice up the game. And a fresh use for the phrase “To Coug it.”

•”Coyote delays jets at busy Atlanta airport“: He was late for a big golf tournament and didn’t want to miss his plane.

•”Shark bites Cancun tourist in surf despite warning“: Those darn sharks, not following warnings…

•”A durable doomsday preacher predicts the world’s end — again“: Preacher Harold Camping, 89, was wrong about his prediction about 1994, but he’s certain about the upcoming end in just months — May 21, Religion News Service reported.

Hmmm, makes one think twice about ordering that $20 million bunker.

•”Protect yourself: Don’t hold more than $500,000 in any single account“: Well. No problem then. Some financial advice is certainly easier to follow than others.

•”America’s millionaires on the rebound“: Well, thank goodness. The rest of us were worried. The millionaires said two things were key to their survival: The $500,000 under the mattress and the $500,000 stashed in the bunker.

•”Artificial cloud designed to offer shade at Qatar’s 2022 World Cup“: No, that’s not artificial thunder you hear. It’s the entire Pacific Northwest Emirates groaning in unison, “We’ve got your #$&%@$^ cloud right here.[”] Holding the World Cup in the Middle East may, in fact, be a sign of the apocalypse, even if Preacher Harold Camping forgot to mention it. Wouldn’t it be easier to play the games in air-conditioned, underground bunkers?

Go ahead, make soccer-is-a-sign-of-the-apocaplypse jokes. Just turn the artificial sun up a little higher.

Talk to us

More in Opinion

Election thing
Editorial: Endorsements for Everett, Marysville school boards

Everett voters should reelect Mason and Mitchell; Marysville voters should back Sheldon and Edwards.

toon
Editorial cartoons for Friday, Oct. 22

A sketchy look at the news of the day.… Continue reading

Voting thing
Editorial: Edmonds, Mukilteo school board endorsements

For Edmonds, Melissa Stepp is endorsed; for Mukilteo, Judy Schwab and Jayme Lee Vail.

Voting thing
Editorial: Gregerson for Mukilteo; Redmon for Snohomish

Mukilteo voters should return Gregerson as mayor. Redmon should be promoted from the council.

Mayor Cassie Franklin delivered her 2022 budget address at Wednesday's virtual city council meeting. (City of Everett)
Editorial: Franklin merits second term as Everett mayor

In her first term, she made difficult cuts but kept essential services going during the pandemic.

Schwab: Don critical thinking caps over critical race theory

Won’t somebody think about the children — and adults — and their ability to see through the grift?

Comment: Parents being used in a campaign against education

Legislation pushing ‘parental rights’ doesn’t recognize kids’ needs to be exposed to a range of ideas.

County Council, District 1: Nate had his shot; vote for Nicole

I usually agree with The Herald’s endorsements, but the endorsement of Nate… Continue reading

Snohomish mayor: Look deeper into Kartak’s math

A friend of mine expressed concern recently that Snohomish Mayor John Kartak… Continue reading

Most Read