Families are the key to civility

A Dec. 14 letter writer expresses his desire for substantial residential schedules for both parents of children whose parents divorce.

The residential schedule for both parents seems unequal if the law is applied to the letter, for financial reasons it seems to me; however, I think parties could also choose to negotiate an equitable settlement, perhaps with the help of a neutral professional who encourages honesty and compassion. Lawyers could then “seal the deal.”

But humans are flawed. Parents are all at times greedy, selfish, dominant, desperate, insensitive, opportunistic, stingy and dishonest. Lawyers and family court personnel are all at times incompetent, opportunistic and dispassionate.

But despite all the flaws, kids need to move on, and two adults who have helped raise those kids also need to move on after a divorce. That process cannot work optimally unless both parents stay in those kids’ lives, continuing to prepare them for life.

If we (parents) think that “the system” limits, for whatever reason, how we are with our children and as individuals post-divorce, I think we mostly have ourselves to blame.

Usual and customary settlements, bound by current laws, can seem unbalanced; however, alternative arrangements can be made by the parents at any time.

The court will not be interfering with families to see if they’re modifying the divorce decree, not necessarily formally, to suit their changing needs.

Flaws in family law can be overcome by family members who are interested in being merciful, compassionate and emotionally healthy during and after the divorce process. Lawyers, the Legislature and court personnel are out of the picture; it’s up to the family to decide how they will conduct themselves.

Rita F. Koenigs

Lynnwood