Harrop: Mamas, don’t let your baby boys grow up to be sponges

By Froma Harrop / Creators.com

Young men are not launching — that is, growing up as traditiona holds — at the same rate as young women. Among Americans ages 25 to 34, about 20 percent of the men are still living with their parents compared with 12 percent of the women. Fewer young males than females are attending college or job training.

There are theories on why more girls are moving out of the house and obtaining education needed for good jobs. Sociologists blame a growing sense among young men that they are not needed.

That would only partly explain the boys’ behavior as they avail themselves of cheap or rent-free living in the family home while they “figure things out.”

Could one of those things be Mama? And could their mamas, rather than feeling upset by the arrangement, be in on it? Perhaps their mothers like having their boys around.

The girls’ presence may not be coveted for age-old reasons. Recall Snow White’s stepmother before the mirror, raging against her younger charge.

There’s the Oedipus complex, whereby young boys are said to view their fathers as rivals for their mother’s affections. But that was something they quickly grew out of, according to Freud, author of the theory.

Daughters asserting their independence may distress mothers who are traditional caregivers. That may be more a factor now that women have greater access to education and careers.

I know one young fellow — actually, he’s 40 — who lives with his parents in their upscale suburban house. For a while, he was in and out of jobs, doing physical labor in another state and living in an unglamorous rental. He’s now back with Mom and Dad.

His mom makes minimal demands of him. She’s doing his laundry. Her friends ask why. Mom explains, well, she’s doing laundry anyway. Meanwhile, having neatly folded piles of clean T-shirts, shorts and socks placed on one’s bed is hardly an incentive to change living arrangements.

A sister moved out long ago into her own pad. She has a job and cuts hair at people’s homes for extra cash. She hasn’t had an easy time of it, having suffered a tumultuous long-term relationship. But she soldiers on as an independent adult.

The Wall Street Journal recently featured the Moreno family of Miami as an example. The Morenos have four children, three boys and a girl. The boys live in the parents’ home. The girl is out in the world, having graduated from business school and gotten engaged.

The boys talk about wanting to work but complain they can’t find a high-paying job. (Starting in a lower-paying job seems not worth their while.) Two dropped out of college. One never went.

It’s true that young men haven’t profited from the recent rise in real estate and stock values that older generations have enjoyed. But neither have the girls who are out making do. Other economic reasons include inflation and student debt. Again, the girls face the same economy.

Could arrogance play a part? The parents don’t seem keen on lowering their expectations. And there’s no disgrace in sharing rents with friends. If boys feel priced out of super expensive markets like New York, Los Angeles or Miami, they could go to great cities that cost less.

We can’t dismiss the social media bluster dispensing tales of crypto bros easily amassing piles of dough as they sit in robes around a pool. It’s a lot of baloney but may account for the refusal of many to accept temporary work or what we call starter jobs.

There may be several explanations why the boys are living with their parents. But could Mama be a reason?