Holidays can be a time of emotional swings

By Chuck Wright

Are you, or someone you know, missing a deceased love one or beloved dead pet more than usual?

During this time of year, do you feel out of sync with the rest of the world?

It’s the holiday season and many people are getting into the sprit of the season. However, for many of our citizens this is the time of sadness, despair and withdrawal.

For those who are not looking forward to this time of year, here are some suggestions that might help you cope.

Know that:

n Anticipation of the days ahead may be worse than the actual days.

n It’s normal that your energy level, spiritual reflections and general activities will fluctuate, sometimes greatly.

n Spending emotional energy can be more draining than doing physical work.

n Our lives are not open and closed doors. There is no such thing as closure. Our positive and negative feelings are always with us. When those negative feelings come up, remember you are going through a normal process and things will get better.

Things you or a loved one can do to help during those trying times:

n Take a proactive approach through advanced planning so you will have some resources at your fingertips.

n Make plans with friends/loved ones in the morning so that you will not have the urge to stay in bed.

n Think and be prepared for emotional questions: How are you doing? “Sometimes OK and at other times not so well.”

n Ask yourself, “What has worked for me in the past?” and then use those resources again and again.

n Talk to and listen to others who are going through or have gone through the trying times of the holidays.

n This is a time for compromise with others and with yourself! Do not overdo it!

n Write down what you feel you can and cannot do this year about the holidays. Then write down the things that you would appreciate having help with. Share both lists with your primary resources, and let them help you through your stressful times. It cannot be said enough that human contact is very important!

n Set aside some special time and devote it to the memories of a dead loved one or pet.

n Put up a stocking for the loved one or pet and place it near a picture, or under a table tree, a house flower, etc.

n Write a letter, a song, a poem, or jot down a quote to the loved one or pet, then place it into the stocking.

n Place other remembrances into the holiday stocking, too. Then throughout the season go through the stocking. You may wish to add something or take away things. Take the time to let your sadness and joyful emotions come to the surface.

n Don’t be afraid to give yourself the gift of tears. But also know that laughter, like tears, can be a healthy release.

n Instead of lighting a candle in your house, use a flicking electric candle and “light” it during this special devotional time with your loved one or pet.

n Go to church and light a candle for the lost loved one.

n Breathing is an excellent reducer of stress. Four or five slow deep breaths and slow exhaling will help.

n Plant a tree, shrub, rose or other perennial as a living monument for the deceased love one or pet.

n Buy a gift in the name of your beloved and then secretively or outright give it away to someone noting it came from your loved one.

n Go shopping with a relative or friend and be sure to pamper yourself by stopping in to have a good lunch, dinner or just some hot chocolate. But do keep the consumption of caffeine and alcohol down.

n Do not over-shop!

n Use the store or other gift wrapping resources.

n If you decide to go to any holiday gatherings, go with a friend and let the person know you may have to leave early.

n You do not get more points for staying past your comfort time, so give yourself permission to leave when you want to.

n Before you are really feeling depressed or scared have someone lined up to talk to, and then call the person when you need him or her. People who seek out help usually do better than people who withdraw.

n Exercise, exercise and then exercise some more. Push yourself to be around others and be sure to talk, talk and talk. Then when you are through talking and you are by yourself, take the time to journal your thoughts and feelings.

Another two resources you may wish to have on hand are: the Snohomish County Crisis Line (211 or 425-258-4357) and the free veterinary school’s pet loss bereavement chat line at www.catanddoghelp.com.

During this holiday period, remember you have the power to make these coming days as wonderful or as sad as you wish them to be. But whatever you do, please use your resources and do keep telling yourself that you will get better. Because, in fact, you will become healthier!

Chuck Wright of Mill Creek is a licensed mental health professional and certified traumatic stress specialist.