Americans could use a little sensitivity training on the issue of domestic violence. We seem to understand the tragedy of women who suffer at the hands of abusive husbands and boyfriends, but when the tables are turned domestic violence becomes something funny — fodder for late night TV and humor columnists.
We’re talking, of course, about Cleveland Indians pitcher Chuck Finley, whose wife was arrested earlier this month for attacking him while he was driving them home. Finley suffered cuts and scrapes on his arm where his wife, Tawny Kitaen, allegedly kicked him with her high heels. Police say she also pressed her foot on top of Finley’s foot, which was on the gas pedal, but he managed to maintain control of the car. The incident turned into a media circus right away, complete with jokes about Kitaen’s fledgling acting career and speculating about what Finley did to tick her off.
It must be awful enough to have the entire country know about your marital woes, but it only got worse for Finley, who had to endure taunting by "fans" as he warmed up for a game. Add to that clubhouse teasing and the Chicago White Sox’s schmuck (now unemployed) at Comiskey Park who played a Whitesnake song on the P.A. system — Kitaen was once married to the band’s lead singer — and you wonder what’s wrong with people.
"I expected that. I’ve heard it all," Finley told the media recently after a game. "Still, sometimes you wonder. What would have happened if it was the other way? Could it be any worse than this? I did nothing wrong."
Domestic violence isn’t funny, no matter what the gender of the aggressor. People who hurt others like that need help and very possibly jail time.
Scott Santoro, Everett’s domestic violence prosecutor, said his office does come across some female offenders, but his experience has taught him that the motivation behind male and female abusers is different. Domestic violence is the exertion of power and control over another person, Santoro said. But many women who are arrested in domestic violence cases are often victims of abuse themselves. And it’s common for women to take responsibility for a fight whether they are the victim or the aggressor, he added. Santoro clarified he wasn’t talking about the Finley case.
Everett is fortunate to have a nationally recognized program that tackles the issue and works hard to make sure abusers are prosecuted. And Mountlake Terrace’s domestic violence advocates were recognized this week by the Washington Women Lawyers of Snohomish County for helping victims.
It’s clear that we have a long way to go to rid our community of violence against women. But it makes one wonder how under-reported is domestic violence against men? Anger management problems are not exclusive to men. Women can let anger get out of control, too.
We’re not suggesting the number of women abusers even comes close to that of men. But it’s unlikely the issue will be aired for discussion as long as men who are victims of abuse are publicly humiliated.
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