It’s so reassuring to see young kids, decked out in their Seahawks jerseys, playing outside — while the Seahawks play on TV. Speaking of which, those football games are sure long. Not to mention those late starts (7:30 p.m.!) for college games as dictated by ESPN and other networks. Did I say 7:30 p.m.? My bad. Just on Friday, BYU and San Jose State kicked off at 8:30 p.m., to accommodate the needs of CBS Sports Network. Let’s wear our home pajamas and watch the headline competition:
“People’s deepest, darkest Google searches are being used against them”: Shocking! Shocking, I say! The benevolent search engine denies the allegations (whatever they are.)
“Donald Trump calls on GOP opponents to drop out”: Ah, the wishful thinking candidate. Competition, be gone. Maybe if he offered to pay them to drop out. … (Would this be his strategy if he was president? “Trump caIls on ISIS to knock it off.”)
“Study finds that nearly 100 percent of preschoolers are using mobile devices” And their deepest, darkest searches are being used against them!
“Teens spend more time on media each day than sleeping, survey finds”: Well, they’ve been preparing for it since they were toddlers … so what’s the problem?
“Did Amazon just replace the public library?”: Uh, no. Amazon did, however, open a “brick and mortar” store, which is a nod to the fact that people like shopping in stores, despite Amazon’s mission to eliminate them. (For those who like a hint of balance, let’s hope that more than a few people will use Amazon’s store to find something they like, and then buy it somewhere else.)
“Are these $50,000 headphones the best ever made?”: Well, they darn tootin’ better be! Good grief.
“Edmonds School District says changed recess is helping kids in classroom”: No need to reinvent the wheel when things come full circle. Kids need exercise! And creativity! Eliminating P.E., recess, music and art classes were not smart moves.
“Report: Google wants to start drone deliveries by 2017”: Last week it was Walmart announcing its Amazonian ambitions; this week, Google. So suffice it to say every retailer (and who knew Google was a retailer?) will want to deliver goods via drones. And people were worried about Uber.
“Madonna suffering ticket sales slump”: Well, trying to maintain your “bad girl” image at age 57 is bound to backfire. Who exactly is supposed to be her audience?
“Mariners trade Miller, acquire Karns in six-player deal with Rays”: The main thing you need to know here is that the Mariners landed a minor-league outfielder named … Boog Powell.
“Study: Talk therapy may beat light treatment for SAD:” They mean with an actual person, not just drawing a smiley face on your happy lightbulb, like Tom Hanks and the volleyball in “Cast Away.”
“Wait times too long? Choose a tech savvy doctor”: Of course that shouldn’t be your only criteria in choosing a doctor, unless you’re simply looking for another “World of Warcraft” player, or someone to whom you can pitch your “What’s That Rash?” App idea.
Combine your talk therapy with shopping therapy this week.
Carol MacPherson: 425-339-3472; cmacpherson@heraldnet.com.
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