Let’s conflate into one big holiday

Conflate (kun flat’) v.t. to fuse into one entity; merge; combine.

I watched the merchandiser spill fake snow onto the artificial pumpkin below as she placed the flocked tree on the top shelf. In today’s fast-lane life we need to conflate – especially our holidays, to make them more efficient. So I propose a new holiday combining Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. It would coincide with the World Series, with plenty of football and basketball to boot.

Of course, celebrating in October would require moving up the shopping season to say, July. July 4 would mark the midpoint of a six-week shop-fest called “in deep spendence days.” Think of the possibilities. Not only would the Grinch steal the presents, he would smash the pumpkins and free the turkeys. And that scrooge ghost …

So, hoping for a conflated future, I wish you all: “Happy Hallowgivemas!”

WILLIAM BAACK

Everett