Memorandum of understanding

The following is a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU) between the State Department of the United States (SDUS) and Blackwater USA (Blackwater), a private-sector training and protection organization, regarding security and related services to be provided by Blackwater to United States personnel operating in Iraq in connection with Operation Iraqi Freedom (OIF).

This document sets forth Rules of Operation (ROO) under which Blackwater agrees to provide the aforementioned services. The provisions of this document are entered into voluntarily by the signatories, and shall constitute the entire agreement between the parties. No term, condition or principle not specifically included in this document shall be deemed to apply to the parties. Second thoughts are for sissies.

Blackwater will provide ongoing, supplemental security services to SDUS personnel to enable them to safely carry out all OIF and related duties. These services will include, but are not limited to, protection of SDUS facilities in Iraq, and ensuring the physical well-being of SDUS personnel in Iraq during normal business hours, during daily travel to and from employment, and at any other times and locations as agreed to by the parties.

These protective services may include, as deemed appropriate by Blackwater, armed guards, motorized convoys, helicopter gunships, and such other deployments of personnel and equipment as required.

In providing the aforementioned services, Blackwater will not be obliged to obtain, or renew, any licenses or permits from any official entity of the Iraqi government. Paperwork is a waste of time.

In providing the aforementioned services, Blackwater will pay appropriate regard to Conditions on the Ground (COTG), including Local Traffic Laws (LTL), Cross-Cultural Considerations (CCC), and any other factors relating to winning the Hearts and Minds (HAM) of the locals.

Blackwater will have sole discretion to define the term “appropriate regard.”

Where potential conflicts arise between the provision of security services and appropriate regard for COTG, LTL, CCC, and/or HAM, it will be the policy of Blackwater to shoot first and ask questions later.

Get over it.

In using deadly force as necessary, Blackwater will make every effort to minimize the loss of innocent civilian life, although when you come right down to it, who’s to say that any of these folks are really “innocent”? Why take the chance?

In entering into this agreement, both parties recognize and publicly assert that, in a theater of war, and in the course of preventing and combating potential insurgent and/or terrorist activities, and when those geniuses at the Pentagon didn’t send enough troops in the first place, stuff happens.

In the event stuff happens, employees of Blackwater will not be subject to the civil or criminal laws of Iraq.

In the event stuff happens, employees of Blackwater will not be subject to the civil or criminal laws of the United States, or to the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ).

In the event stuff happens, employees of Blackwater will not be subject to the law. Period.

Do your want our help, or don’t you?

Should one or more Blackwater employees engage in activities that provoke a Severe Negative Reaction (SNR) among the locals, no effort will be spared by SDUS to provide said employees with safe and swift removal from the area of conflict, including, if necessary, immediate return to the United States without punishment or penalty of any sort.

Should the safe and swift removal of Blackwater employees fail to calm the situation within a reasonable period of time, and should normal diplomatic efforts prove insufficient to defuse a potential crisis with far-reaching implications, the signatories agree to accept, as a last resort, the appointment of a Commission or High-Level Panel to Look into Things (COHLPTLIT).

Trust us: You don’t want to know.

Rick Horowitz is a nationally syndicated columnist. His e-mail address is rickhoro@execpc.com.

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