Might as well let the kids vote

There was a time when voting was considered a right, defined as a moral or legal entitlement. Gone are the days of exercising one’s franchise, defined as a constitutional or statutory privilege. Thankfully, the enlightened among us have dispensed with the onerous legal elements and we may now discuss voting solely in the arena of virtuous moralism.

The view from 220 miles is spectacular. Potential voters pouring into our democracy like so many inverted hour glasses, greeted upon arrival with promises of the fruits of other people’s labors in exchange for their pledge to vote as told. And here’s a bottle of water and a pat on the head as a last-second reminder. Vae victis, ye righties!

How could anyone but an amoral cynic see this as anything but protecting democracy? Who, but a partisan racist, would suggest that connecting rights to responsibilities is anything but a frontal assault on minorities? After all, this is about race. It’s time to redefine “skin in the game!”

Soon, we might behold the awesome spectacle of children at the polls. Freed from the scourge of adultism and unencumbered by work, taxes, self-care or personal identification, they can be marshalled with the lure of juice boxes and ice cream. For those who don’t drive despite the elimination of licensing, voting apps can be installed on their PlayStations! I can see the campaign now: “Down with Ageism! Old enough for a Tooth; Old enough for the Booth!”

Huzzah for democracy!

Scott Weaver


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