An apology to my employees in D.C.:
Dear Staff,
I realize now that I, and my fellow co/owners, have been quite unfair to you. Having as many bosses as you do, there is no way of pleasing all of us. Polling 2,000 of us and then determining that 70 percent of us feel a certain way is really just a guess and then you have to vote one way or another based on that guess.
We apologize for not giving you the tools to do your work, mainly our clear and concise opinions that allow you to do the job we pay you to do. Good news is on the horizon that I think you will be quite excited about and will allow you to do our bidding in good conscience.
Our plan is to add an additional function to the IRS. This addition will allow anyone with a Social Security number to call a toll-free number, verify their information and then proceed with a touch tone survey that allows multiple choices.
The IRS has the capability to deal with fraudulent Social Security numbers; this is already one of its functions. Only the results of the surveys will be saved and passed on to you. No identifying information will be saved after the verification of the Social Security number. Thus, every single U.S. citizen who is of voting age and has a Social Security number can pick up the phone and have his or her opinion really matter on such things as the debt ceiling debate.
We all see what happens when we try to use traditional methods to let you know how we feel. Phone lines are jammed, websites crash and you are left guessing again. This new system of feedback will give you no doubt that the true, verifiable voice of the American people has spoken and then you will have no doubt what we want you to do.
Sincerely,
Your Employer
Robert Pearce
Everett
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