‘Nakation’ leads bad ideas

Beware the headlines of March:

  • “Beat baggage fees by taking a ‘nakation,’ say nudists”: And wow airport screeners with your eagerness to disrobe. Or just go ahead and make it a “staycation,” say fellow travelers.
  • ““Police: Woman crashes car while shaving bikini area”: At least she wasn’t using hot wax or anything dangerous like that. Or on her phone. The woman offers another argument for a “staycation.” Perhaps with an ankle monitor.

  • “Ban sought on importing giant invasive snakes.” Finally. Something to unite the country. The few who insist they need a Burmese python, an African python, southern African python, yellow anaconda, DeSchauensee’s anaconda, green anaconda or a Beni anaconda, can go visit those snakes’ country of origin. Known as a “Snakecation.”
  • ““New York is finally taking its coffee seriously”: More than 40 new coffee bars have joined others that take coffee brewing very seriously, The New York Times reported. These places celebrate the art of espresso pulling and are snobby about rules — that blend is too special to be made to go; this one can’t be mixed with milk, etc. The article states: “For years New Yorkers had to look to places like Stumptown Coffee Roasters in Portland, Ore., or Blue Bottle Coffee in San Francisco for this kind of quality.”

    Writing about a city finally taking coffee seriously that doesn’t mention Seattle? That’s bold, but perhaps a little bitter. The article is about anti-Starbucks-type places and local roasters. (Which, of course, also abound throughout the Northwest.) If a business exists as an “anti-Starbucks,” it was obviously influenced by Starbucks, so pretending it doesn’t exist is disingenuous. Oops. We’re all hopped up on that Overly Serious Organic blend.

  • “Texas education board backs conservative curriculum”: You don’t say.
  • ““Former track star Marion Jones joins WNBA”: The disgraced Olympics athlete, who was stripped of five gold medals, will join the Tulsa Shock. Jones served a six-month prison sentence for lying about taking performance-enhancing drugs. Coming next: Tonya Harding joins “Dancing with the Stars.”
  • ““Official report says Lehman Bros. used ‘misleading’ accounting tricks”: As opposed to those up-front accounting tricks.
  • ““Lonely wolverine seeks West Coast mate”: eHarmony rejected the poor fella — dubbed “Buddy” by researchers — when he tore the matchmaker’s “Compatibility Matching System” questionnaire to shreds with one swipe of his ferocious paw. Buddy’s DNA closely matches wolverines located in the Rocky Mountains of Idaho, so scientists don’t know why he’s in California’s Tahoe National Forest now. It’s called “California Dreamin’” and you can’t blame an Idaho wolverine for trying.
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