Summer starts this week. Good thing they invented water-resistant sunscreens to wear in the rain. Let’s review the headlines:
•”Hike naked: Germany opens new nude-friendly nature trails“: Nude friendly? They’ve removed all the poison ivy, insects, and sharp rocks? (Oh, wait. They wear shoes. They aren’t crazy. Not like those shoeless runners.)
Some may wonder: Are these folks for real? Some may answer: Does a bare sit in the woods?
•”Your dog is watching you“: And sometimes quite rudely staring, depending on its need for a walk, or a treat. Your dog is also always listening, and taking mental notes. Not for any nefarious reason. They are just always on alert to learn new ways to better manipulate you, to further their doggy agenda.
Their loyalty legend, they don’t want to spill your secrets, they just want your constant attention. And if that means dragging something out of the dirty clothes hamper to present to your guests, well, it must be time for a walk. Perhaps in the woods.
•”Visitors in SUV follow GPS directions into Mercer Slough“: On the 911 tape, the usually calm but clearly distraught GPS narrator, Nancy, was heard lamenting: “I give and give and give … directions. All you do is take. I make one little mistake and suddenly everything is my fault. If it’s so easy, you do it. Glub, glub, glub. Please take your first legal U-boat turn.”
“Pentagon dreams of ‘Star Trek’ interstellar travel“: We’re out of places to wage war?
The Defense Department wants someone to dream up a way to send people to a star, with a goal of making interstellar travel possible in 100 years. It is holding a contest and the winner will get $500,000.
Where would we be without the big thinkers? And some people would just like to get up and down I-5 in a timely manner.
Nevertheless, don’t get excited about visiting the star you had named after yourself just yet. The nearest star is 25 trillion miles away and the speediest rocket would take more than 4,000 years to get there.
How about: “Build a faster rocket.” That will be $500,000, please.
But will star travel be all it’s cracked up to be?
•”Black hole caught eating a star, gamma-ray flash hints“: The flash was like a cosmic belch, scientists said. The black hole was just having a little star snack. Who wouldn’t want to travel 25 trillion miles to be the human topping on a stellar Triscuit for a hungry black hole?
As Marvin the Martian, of Looney Tunes cartoons fame, says: “Being disintegrated makes me very angry, very angry indeed!”
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