NCAA legal team readies for Wackiness Month

Because we live in a very litigious society, it’s important to remember that “March Madness” is a trademarked term, just like “Super Bowl,” (or 12th Man) so beware when advertising goods or services or even a party, because as the NCAA states on its website: … its brands are “carefully controlled and aggressively protected to be consistent with the purposes and objectives of the NCAA, its member institutions and conferences and higher education.” Which translates: Only the NCAA, the organization and its leaders, get to make gobs of money off this tournament. Let’s spring our zone defense on the headlines:

Yankees want players to be like Russell Wilson, not Cam Newton”: They want baseball players to be like talented, highly paid football quarterbacks? That would be odd. Rather, the Yankees, apparently expecting a losing season, held the two men up as examples, Goofus and Gallant style, on how one should conduct oneself after losing a big game. Apparently there are no actual baseball players the club could cite as a good example to follow.

Catch and cook your own fish on an Alaska cruise”: Despite the image that comes to mind of dropping a line off a huge cruise ship, the fish in question can be caught “while on shore excursions.” Which brings to mind the image of someone choosing the day’s “catch” at a fish market and bringing it back onboard.

Mayor wears same suit for 15 months — and no one notices”: What is gamey, Alex? This wacky stunt turns out to be just one Coquitlam, British Columbia, official’s attempt at entertainment now that the TV show “Jeopardy” says its rules mean it can no longer accept Canadian contestants.

A belated honor: Rename Highway 99 for black Civil War veteran”: Hmm. With the Bertha project at one end, and the proactive, anti-crime Project 99 at the other, is it really an honor to name this particular state route for a Civil War veteran? Why not name a park or a building after him, or erect a statue?

Facebook deletes medical marijuana pages”: The company is going after these with a vengeance, despite the fact that the businesses are legal — in 2014 Congress ended the federal ban on states’ medical marijuana programs (something Washington’s Liquor and Cannabis Board has also chosen to completely ignore.)

Meanwhile, for years, states attorneys general and other groups had been pressuring Facebook to ban private gun sales between individuals on the site (not to ban licensed gun store pages.) In January, Facebook said it would begin cracking down on the illegal sales. Is there an emoji that reflects that the company may not have its priorities straight?

Millennial defends generation’s anti-cereal stance”: Sometimes, as a tail-end baby boomer, it seems we go overboard to report and understand every Millennial predilection. Anyhoo. In this case, it’s not the cereal they don’t like, but the use of a bowl, which requires cleaning afterward. So quick, somebody invent the “cereal burrito” and/or “self-cleaning bowl” to solve this crisis.

Other terms the NCAA has trademarked: “March Mayhem,” Midnight Madness,” “Final Four,” “Final 4,” and “The Final Four.” Create some non-copyrighted Midnight Mayhem this month.

cmacpherson@heraldnet.com.

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