Now that Everett is trying to seize and sell the prostitution-scandal-plagued bikini barista stands in the city, by all means bring on the long underwear coffee stands. Possible names: Union Suit Cafe. No Sex Espresso. Lots and Lots of Layers and Lattes.
Let’s review other news with a nice hot cup of Joe. (Coffee, of course. Not the young man from the Speedo barista stand.)
“Can Taylor Swift’s ‘1989’ save ailing music industry?”: Doesn’t the word “industry” imply more than one singer or group? How can one overly publicized, fashion-obsessed singer save an industry? Remember when you used to hear new music on the radio?
“Premiere: Barry Manilow duets with Louis Armstrong”: (And 10 other dead singers.) Let’s go out on a limb and predict that this won’t save the “ailing music industry” either. (It does make one wonder if Manilow has a young singer in mind who he hopes will duet with him after he has died…)
“Wearable health technology still just a novelty, report finds”: Rats. So my new Basal Metabolic Rate Wonder Bra isn’t really working? The two possible results from the bra’s calculations that advise either “Have a milkshake!” or “Mix in a salad once in a while!” are not based on scientific evidence? Good to know.
“Tycoon’s ex-wife says $1 billion divorce settlement not enough”: Wow. Can one woman’s settlement save the ailing tycoon-ex-wife industry?
“Obama’s gum chewing irks some”: That’s his nicotine gum habit, which replaced his cigarette smoking. An online commenter, critical of the president, noted how he “quit 35 years ago, cold turkey. No nicotine gum, toothpicks or pacifier. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one either.” Congratulations to all those who quit cold turkey, and congratulations to all those who quit after several attempts. And much encouragement to those contemplating quitting.
But lest we are too hard on Obama, how many people who quit cigarettes — cold turkey or otherwise — did so during their highly stressful terms as President of the United States of America?
“Amazon, Hachette end publishing dispute”: So they agreed to bury the Hachette?
“How fast food chains target black kids”: By following the patented Big Tobacco Blueprint?
“Dewitos? Pepsi tests Doritos-flavored Mountain Dew”: Yum? Much like recent Taco Bell and Jack in the Box menu and advertising “innovations,” Pepsi joins the bandwagon in which young men with the munchies are the targeted, darling, dude demographic for fast food, soda and chips.
“Steps to avoid an accident”: The article is about how the practice of tai chi — which involves very slow, purposeful movements — helps older people with balance and gait. Dr. Lewis A. Lipsitz of Harvard said he has seen how tai chi helps, and is quoted thusly: “If only we could put tai chi in a pill.”
Because “very slow, purposeful movements” are too strenuous? Or does the doctor have a sly sense of humor, and is really commenting on the very problem — the common American desire that absolutely everything be solved with a pill?
“This robot butler can unload your dishwasher”: Because if you can’t put in a pill, you can always build a robot to do your tai chi, or unload your dishwasher.
Employ the old phrase, “Don’t be such a pill” this week.
Carol MacPherson: 425-339-3472; cmacpherson@heraldnet.com
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