Radio, radio
If you live in north Everett and your garage door opener isn’t working, the likely culprit is the USS Abraham Lincoln and its super-strong radio waves.
The Lincoln’s radios are so powerful that they’re even interfering with the CIA’s top-secret broadcasts to area nu
tcases’ dental fillings.
Bumper to bumper: Down in Seattle, everyone’s fretting about the specter of epic traffic jams caused by the nine-day shutdown of the Alaskan Way Viaduct, beginning tonight.
If you get caught up in “Viadoom,” just imagine yourself driving on the Viaduct when the 9.0 earthquake that will inevitably happen, happens. That traffic jam won’t seem so bad after all.
Definite maybe: After his earlier prediction of apocalypse on May 21 turned out to be a bit off the mark, radio preacher Harold Camping is hedging his bets this time. He says the world “probably” will end today, but he can’t be 100 percent certain.
At this rate, Camping’s doomsday prophecies will soon sound like horoscopes: “Emotional matters will be difficult to control, especially if the apocalypse happens.”
— Mark Carlson, Herald staff
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