‘Scuse me, I burped

Presenting Ms. Springfield, Barney Gumble: Supermodel and business mogul Kathy Ireland showed off a peculiar talent at a Miss America pageant preliminary event earlier this week — the ability to belch on command.

Pageant officials weren’t so impressed, saying Ireland would never pass muster in the talent competition — unless, of course, she were able to perform “Memories (Theme From ‘Cats’)” entirely in burps.

As seen on TV: Even with their manufactured conflict and contrived story lines, business-themed reality shows like “Shark Tank” contain some useful lessons for small business owners, columnist Pat Sisneros writes.

For example, the various shows starring Donald Trump can help business people pick up some tips for dealing with monstrously narcissistic creeps.

Don’t know much about history: On this day in 1776, British forces marched into New York City during the Revolutionary War.

The next invasion of the Big Apple wouldn’t take place until the 1990s, when hipsters began their conquest of Brooklyn.

— Mark Carlson, Herald staff

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