By Jon Bauer and Mark Carlson
Herald staff
As promised, The Buzz has returned in a less frequent but slightly longer-winded weekly format, tanned, rested and ready to snerk. Bumped off the daily front page by people with money that even we’re not dumb enough to turn down, you’ll find The Buzz online on Saturday’s and Sundays in The Herald’s Viewpoints section.
The format remains the same: A news item, followed by editorial and smart-assed comment.
Here, then, is the week that buzzed:
Cheek to cheek: Last Sunday night’s “60 Minutes” featured an interview with porn star Stormy Daniels who revealed details of an alleged sexual tryst she had with Donald Trump, after meeting at a golf tournament in 2006. Daniels claimed to have spanked Trump with a rolled-up Forbes magazine that showed him on the cover.
That’s a definition of “playing the back nine,” we haven’t heard before.
There must be a catch: The NFL after more than eight years of controversial calls over “non-catches,” will have a new rule on catches that should eliminate confusing standards for referees. The new rules say that a receiver must have control of the football with two feet or another body part on the ground and in bounds. The receiver must then make a “football move.”
Expect this rule to be followed by eights years of disagreements over what’s control, what’s a body part, what’s a “football move,” and what’s a referee.
Do svidaniya: The United States early in the week expelled 60 Russian diplomats and ordered the closure of Russia’s consulate in Seattle, in response to the poisoning of a former Russian spy and his daughter in England. More than 100 Russian diplomats were expelled by the U.S. and other countries.
Well, and what’s the loss? If more than 100 Russian diplomats hadn’t been able to negotiate world peace by now, then it wasn’t going to happen.
You’re dethpicable: Scientists in Switzerland say that rubber duckies — the decades-old staple of children’s bath time — contained a host of “potentially pathogenic bacteria.” Dangerous bacteria and fungi were found in the insides of 4 of the 5 ducks they studied.
Shortly after the study was released, it was announced that Russian President Vladimir Putin had ordered several cases of rubbery duckies. “Da, is partink gifts for former employees,” Putin said.
Set up a golf meeting: It’s been more than a week since John Dowd quit as President Trump’s personal attorney in the Russia matter, and POTUS appears to be having a hard time finding anyone to represent him.
Trump might consider asking advice from someone who did have success assembling a legal team: O.J. Simpson.
And no Netflix for two weeks, mister! Ecuador cut off the internet connection on Wednesday of WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange, who is holed up in its embassy in London. Assange, taking refuge there following allegations of sex crimes in Sweden, is accused by his hosts of making statements on social media that jeopardized its relationships with other nations.
Ecuador would have sent Assange to his room for a time-out, but he’s already there.
Shamed-facedbook: A 2016 employee memo has revealed a Facebook executive defending the company’s data mining and saying the growth of social media was worth any problems Facebook might have fostered, such as bullying and terrorism. The memo was leaked this week.
It’s a bummer when your confidential information gets out and is used by others.
Don’t know much about history: On March 29, 1867, Britain’s Parliament passed, and Queen Victoria signed, the British North American Act, creating the Dominion of Canada.
Looking over the fence, Canada’s American neighbors said to themselves: “Fine, but what’s with this ‘Dominion’ stuff? Sounds to me like their compensating for something.”
Still don’t know much about history: On March 30, 1842, Dr. Crawford W. Long of Jefferson, Georgia, first used ether as an anesthetic during an operation to remove a patient’s neck tumor.
“The operation was such a success,” reported the doctor, “but next time I’ll try using the ether on the patient instead of myself.”
Jon Bauer: jbauer@heraldnet.com.
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