By Jon Bauer
Herald staff
With some notable exceptions, President Trump’s European Vacation dominated the headlines in the week that wasn’t:
We are not amused: Although insisting the relationship between the United States and United Kingdom was at the “highest level of special,” President Trump roiled the Brits with an interview in a London newspaper that criticized Prime Minister Teresa May, blamed London’s mayor for terrorism in his city and argued London was “losing its culture” because of immigration.
Following his departure, Queen Elizabeth II issued a proclamation that henceforth “highest level of special” would be used in place of “bolloxed up.”
My beautiful, my beautiful balloon: President Trump might have been a big “aggro” over a large balloon of a diapered-baby that resembled a snarling Trump and was flown above protests in London during the U.S. president’s visit. London Mayor Sadiq Khan defended his decision to issue a permit for the balloon, saying it wasn’t his job to censor speech or be the “arbiter of good taste.”
Following his departure, President Trump announced stiff tariffs on the export from the United Kingdom to the U.S. of “large, mean, satirical balloons that are very unfair and completely don’t look anything like me.”
Can it wait until Monday? Just days before President Trump was set to meet one-on-one with Russian President Vladimir Putin, a federal grand jury indictment alleged that 12 Russian military intelligence officers hacked into the Clinton presidential campaign and Democratic Party and released tens of thousands of stolen and politically damaging emails, a definitive allegation that Russia’s government meddled in the 2016 election.
“Donalt,” tweeted Putin to Trump. “Vood zis be bad time to tell you ve findink Hillary’s missink 3,000 emails?”
How much wood? House Speaker Paul Ryan, speaking at an event last week, described how a family of woodchucks had taken up residence in the Chevy Suburban he had parked at his mother’s home in Wisconsin and had eaten the SUV’s wiring, making it inoperable.
If you’re having difficulty mustering sympathy for the outgoing speaker, try this: For the words “woodchucks” and “Chevy Suburban” substitute, respectively, the words “Republicans” and “Congress.”
More than a couple of boobs involved: Prosecutors in Columbus, Ohio, have dropped charges against adult performer Stormy Daniels after she was arrested in a police “sting,” during which she rubbed the faces of undercover officers with her bare breasts during a performance at a strip club. The Columbus police chief, apologized and said the motivations of the arresting officers would be reviewed internally.
Lighten up, chief. It’s not like they asked Stormy to spank them with a rolled-up copy of Law Enforcement Monthly.
Jon Bauer: jbauer@heraldnet.com
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