By Jon Bauer
Is it witch hunting season already? President Trump’s national security adviser John Bolton said that despite the president’s invitation, any visit by Russian President Vladimir Putin wouldn’t take place until “after the Russia witch hunt is over,” adding the visit would likely be delayed until next year.
And who can blame Bolton for wanting to wait. Witch hunts can get so messy, what with all the torture and summary executions. The sad thing is that means Vlad will miss the East Coast in autumn with football games and crisp fall air and the smell of piles of burning leaves and indicted witches.
Not Perry Mason, then? President Trump reacted angrily following the release of a 2016 tape on which Trump talks with former lawyer Michael Cohen about how to pay the publisher of the National Enquirer $150,000 to quash a story about an alleged affair between Trump and a Playboy playmate. “What kind or lawyer would tape a client?” Trump tweeted. “So sad!”
Just a shot in the dark here, but, we’re guessing the kind of lawyer whose client is running for president and who, because he was hired as a “fixer,” has to find a way to conceal at least two bimbo eruptions but wants to protect himself just in case, you know, the FBI decides one day to serve a warrant and seize documents and tapes that he can then use to cut a deal to avoid prosecution. That kind of lawyer?
Don’t forget to release the balloons: Facebook stock on Thursday lost nearly 20 percent of its value on the Nasdaq exchange, which amounts to about $120 billion in market capitalization, after an earnings report missed expectations because of slower growth among users and advertising.
There’s got to be a way to cheer up Facebook CEO Mark Zukerberg after a bad day like that. How about one of those bright bouncy animated Facebook videos with photos from his feed and encouraging sentiments like, “What’s $120 billion when you got great friends like these?”
Made-in-China MAGA hats still for sale, however: Presidential adviser and daughter Ivanka Trump announced she was shutting down her clothing company and laying off 18 employees after deciding that ethics restrictions were holding back its ability to grow. Her clothing line, which is made in China, has been dropped by Nordstom and other retailers.
Pity. She was probably in line to get some of that federal tariff relief aid the her dad is handing out to farmers.
Wouldn’t it be Goldfishella and not salmonella? Pepperidge Farm recalled four flavors of its popular Goldfish crackers over concerns that whey powder used to flavor the crackers might be contaminated by salmonella. Stores were pulling bags of the snack crackers and urged customers to call a customer service line.
Toddlers were asked to check under their car seats and — “No! Stop! Don’t eat that! What did I say? Get that out of your mouth this instant, mister. Spit it out. Spit it out. Yucky! Icky!”