By Jon Bauer
Herald staff
In recognition of our president’s desire to establish closer ties with our Russian friends, The Buzz has ordered a new keyboard with Cyrillic characters that we expect we’ll be using regularly. But it’s on back-order from Amazon.
Until then, let’s proceed with the week that was. Sorry. we meant to say, “wasn’t”:
Nothing but nyet: During Monday’s joint press conference with Russian President Vladimir Putin, President Trump appeared to accept Putin’s insistence that Russia was not responsible for hacking into the computer networks of Democrats during the 2016 presidential campaign, despite assurances from U.S. intelligence that Russia was responsible. “He just said it’s not Russia. I will say this: I don’t see any reason why it would be,” Trump said.
And we don’t see why people would believe Putin must be blackmailing Trump with compromising information.
Would notta, could notta, should notta: The following day Trump walked back his comments and claimed that he meant, “I don’t see any reason why it wouldn’t be Russia.”
We understand. It’s easy to drop a silly contraction like “n’t.” For instance we meant to say just now we don’t see why people wouldn’t believe Putin must be blackmailing Trump.
Come fly with me: President Trump announced that the new Boeing 747s that have been ordered to serve as Air Force One will be given a different paint scheme than the one used on presidential planes since 1962. The new paint job, he said, would be “top of the line, the top in the world, and it’s going to be red, white and blue, which I think is appropriate.”
Yes, very appropriate, since those are the colors of the flag of the Russian Federation.
Curses, foiled again: Federal authorities have changed a 29-year-old Russian national, attending college in the United States, of being an unregistered foreign agent who was under the direction of a Russian intelligence operative and had made contacts among Republicans, the NRA and other political groups. The woman, Maria Butina, was in relationship with a 56-year-old South Dakota businessman, identified in court papers as “U.S. Person 1,” who had worked on Republican campaigns.
U.S. Person 1 should have known something wasn’t right when Butina asked him to speak clearly into her souvenir Mount Rushmore earrings.
Thank you, sir; may I have another: Amid continuing criticism of the Helsinki summit, the White House announced Thursday that President Trump wanted to invite Putin to visit Washington, D.C., this fall, and that discussions for the visit were already under way. Among the reactions, Director of National Intelligence Daniel Coats said: “Okaaaay. That’s going to be special.”
Democrats, surprisingly, have begun to see the potential benefits of a deepening relationship between the Trump and Putin and have suggested a date just before Nov. 6.
Rudy to the rescue: President Trump’s former personal attorney, Michael Cohen, reportedly made secret tapes of a conversation he had with the president regarding the hush-money payment to a porn star who has alleged an affair with Trump. Trump lawyer Rudy Giuliani admitted the existence of the tape: “In the big scheme of things, it’s powerful exculpatory evidence.”
Oops. Happened again. Rudy, we think you meant to put the word “not” between “it’s” and “powerful.”
Is tradition, Mr. President, to tell soccer ball deepest national secrets: Among the souvenirs that President Trump brought home from Helsinki was a red-and-white soccer ball from President Putin, in recognition of the recently completed World Cup in Moscow.
Trump graciously accepted the ball, then promptly scored an “own goal” with it.
Jon Bauer: jbauer@heraldnet.com
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