By Jon Bauer
Herald staff
Following former FBI director James Comey’s testimony to Congress last week, President Trump confidently proclaimed in a tweet that Comey had revealed “No Smocking Gun” regarding Russian collusion.
That should at least bring an end to the investigation by the Fashion Police.
In other investigations during the week that wasn’t:
A series of rubes: Google CEO Sundar Pichai, testifying before the House Judiciary Committee about alleged bias by the search engine giant and others, was asked to explain why an image search for “idiot” turned up pictures for President Trump. Pichai explained that Google employees aren’t responsible for linking “idiot” with the president’s photo but rather it’s a matter of how its algorithms operate and how the search engine is used.
But, Pichai, said he’d make an exception this one time and have the search for “idiot” return images of Congress.
If it limps like a duck: Rep. Nancy Pelosi, D-California, appeared to secure her tenure as speaker after telling younger insurgents in the party that she would limit her tenure to no more than four years, but shrugged off suggestions that the end-date would limit her power. “That’s a long time,” she said. “Four years? No, I don’t think that’s a lame duck.”
“Two years into a four-year presidency with Robert Mueller breathing down your neck?” Pelosi thought to herself. “That’s a lame duck.”
Fixer gets fixed: Following the three-year sentence for Michael Cohen — Donald Trump’s former lawyer and “fixer” who admitted to buying the silence of a porn actress and a Playboy model who alleged earlier affairs with Trump — Trump tweeted that he never directed Cohen to break the law. He also minimized his relationship with Cohen, saying the lawyer only did “low-level work” for him.
Paying off porn stars sounds “low-level,” all right.
God, guns and borscht: A Russian gun rights activist pleaded guilty to conspiring with a senior Russian official to infiltrate conservative groups and events, including the NRA and the national prayer breakfast. Maria Butina, 30, was convicted of seeking to influence U.S. policy as a foreign agent.
Butina tried to justify her actions, despite the guilty plea: “I vas only to be hunting Moose and Squirrel, darlink.”
A chilly reception: President Trump’s top White House adviser on energy and climate attended last week’s global climate conference in Poland, and gave a speech before 200 people that attempted to burnish the image of coal, one of the fossil fuels most responsible for the increase in global warming. The address was greeted with a staged protest of laughter.
We’d suggest that promoting coal at a climate change conference is tougher than selling ice to Eskimos, except that at this pace there may soon be strong demand for ice cubes at both poles.
Just haven’t got the heart: A Southwest Airlines flight bound for Dallas turned back to Seattle over Idaho when the captain was told that a human heart destined for an unnamed hospital was not unloaded from the plane in Seattle after its initial flight from Sacramento.
The good news for the heart’s recipient: Whoever got the transplant also gets to keep the heart’s frequent flyer miles.
Elf on the shelf: Intending only a brief photo-op, President Trump instead launched into a bitter discussion with his chief Democratic rivals, incoming House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Sen. Chuck Schumer, minority leader, regarding funding for Trump’s border wall. Trump threatened a government shutdown if Democrats didn’t agree and said he take responsibility for the shutdown. “I will take the mantle,” Trump said.
“But I’m already sitting on the mantle,” said Vice President Pence, quietly, from his perch above the Oval Office fireplace.
Jon Bauer: jbauer@heraldnet.com.
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