By Jon Bauer
While the United States edged closer to an election that might divide the nation even further, Canada was kicking back with some primo weed, removing one more reason for Washington state residents not to move north.
As for the week that wasn’t:
Canadian bake on: Some Canadians rolled out of bed Wednesday to “wake and bake” celebrations, as the nation marked the first day of legal recreational marijuana sales. Among them: Ian Power in St. John’s, Newfoundland, who said he wasn’t going to smoke the gram that he bought “I am going to frame it and hang it on my wall,” he said.
We’ll bet a toonie that pot’s coming off the wall the next time Power has to choose between buying a gram and a dozen maple glazed from Tim Horton’s.
Clearing the air: President Trump said he “has a natural instinct for science,” but the Associated Press fact-checked an interview with the president, during which he claimed that “our air now is cleaner than it’s ever been.” Trump’s own Environmental Protection Agency has released data that shows soot and smog increased in 2017, the AP reported.
Trump explained that the new EPA figures aren’t a fair comparison because “clean coal” is now spewing only clean soot and clean smog.
Just ask Alabama’s Sen. Roy Moore: Also during the AP interview, President Trump said he wouldn’t accept blame if Republicans lose control of the House of Representatives in the Nov. 6 election, because “I think I’m helping people,” claiming that some candidates that he has endorsed have “gone up 40 and 50 points.”
So, a “natural instinct for science,” but the understanding of math needs some work.
And the Horseface you rode in on: After porn star Stormy Daniels’ defamation lawsuit against President Trump was dismissed, President Trump threw another insult in for good measure, calling Daniels “Horseface” in a tweet.
Since the president has promised to make sweeping reforms to libel law, he must be trying to get in as many digs as he can before it changes.
‘Pocahontas’ pokes back: After long insulting her with the nickname “Pocahontas,” President Trump called Sen. Elizabeth Warren’s DNA test, which showed evidence she had some American Indian ancestry, a “scam and a lie.” The tweet followed Warren’s request that he pay up on his promise at a campaign rally of a $1 million donation to charity if she took such a test.
We haven’t seen a reaction to a DNA test that strong since Maury Povich announcing, “You are the father!”
Skip the sword dance on your next visit: With President Trump’s admission that Washington Post columnist and Saudi journalist Jamal Khashoggi likely is dead after he entered the Saudi consulate in Turkey and never came out, Trump is struggling with how to sanction a strategic ally such as Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman.
C’mon, Mr. President. A man of your talents can’t come up with a withering nickname for MBS? Allow us: Murderous Tyrant? Massively Bloody Sultan? PrinceSheik YerDeadBody? Scary Clown Prince?
Always the charmer: ABC launched its Roseanne Barr-less “Roseanne” reboot, “The Connors,” to mostly positive reviews, following ABC’s decision to fire Barr and kill off her character after earlier posting a racist tweet about a former Obama administration official. Barr had her own review of the new show, tweeting, “I AIN’T DEAD, BITCHES!!!!”
But a moment of silence, please, for Roseanne’s career, which was preceded in death by that of her former husband, Tom Arnold.
Jon Bauer: email@example.com