With the mallification of America, that vast proliferation of sameness found in chain store after chain store and fast food franchises all across this great land, people often lament that “they could be anywhere.” They worry that regional differences and flavor are lost in favor of profit-margain-conscious-cookie-cutter ubiquity.
Thankfully, if you actually get away from the malls, the superized and the strip, and get out of the fast-food drive-though lanes, and out of the car, authentic regional differences can still be found.
For example, last month a national newspaper carried the news: “Probe: Maine topless coffee fire suspect angry with waitress.”
(Clarity is hard to come by, all across the country, so we have empathy for the headline writer. On the other hand…whaaat? The angry coffee fire suspect was topless? What’s a coffee fire?)
The Associated Press report makes it all clear: “A state investigation says a man suspected of burning down a Maine coffee shop that featured topless waitresses was mad at his girlfriend, who was having an affair with the owner.”
Since arson and affairs happen everywhere, the detail that’s pertinent here is “a coffee shop that featured topless waitresses.”
Because here in the Northwest we have our coffee stands and bikini baristas, but not so many topless coffee shops. (And before anyone tries to franchise the idea…well, we’ve already trademarked “StarBusts.”) (Like most businesses, news agencies have to diversify to find new sources of revenue. Turns out topless journalists wouldn’t generate enough money to run a bridge club newsletter and we’re trying to stay in business here.)
The Augusta, Maine, coffee shop went with the name “Grand View Topless Coffee Shop.” So is weather the main difference here — it’s just too cold in Maine to have baristas stationed in little huts? Or maybe it’s just how they do things. Perhaps there are topless lobster markets in Maine.
(What you won’t find in Maine is a Red Lobster restaurant. In 2005, however, after almost 40 years in existence, the chain declared that its roots are in Maine, despite the lack of any local connection, Business.com reported.
“That is where consumers are convinced we’re from,” Red Lobster president Kim Lopdrup said. Years of advertising implying the same might do that.
Apparently playing up its land-locked Lakeland, Fla., origins in 1968 doesn’t scream “lobster” the way Maine does.)
In another regional difference, a news report says a Seattle barista plans to open a male bikini barista stand in San Francisco. Nope, not “StarBuffs.” But “Cup of Man.” Not opening soon at a mall near you. Vive la différence!
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