Ah, the first Monday of 2011. All sparkly and new. Let’s don our fresh resolve like a new frock before we spill coffee on it and review the news:
•“U.S. bison ranchers struggle to meet consumer demand”: People wanting to eat healthier meat have made bison meat a hot commodity lately, sending the prices soaring, the Associated Press reported. The demand comes a decade after bison ranchers began courting health-conscious consumers with the lean, low-cholesterol meat choice. (Nice to see a little foresight paying off.)
It’s good news, but most farmers are struggling to increase their herds and keep up with demand, AP reported. While bison are raised in all 50 states, the Midwest, with all its luxurious elbow room, has the market cornered. Which makes sense.
What would make even more sense is to stop paying farmers to grow corn all over the Midwest, and/or to stop paying them not to grow corn. (“Supply and Demand” isn’t some bad 1970s band.) The farmers can use their final subsidy to purchase a bison herd.
•“Bodyguards are in demand as safety concerns grow”: That was the news out of the 29th annual Executive Protection Institute Conference in December, the Los Angeles Times reported. In the post-9/11 world, concerns about global unrest, economic turmoil and the rising public curiosity about the private lives of celebrities have grown to such an extent that security firms are struggling to meet the demand.
Of course some jobs are easier to fill than others: Conference attendees stressed the difference between armed bodyguards who protect the famous or wealthy and can earn more than $200,000 a year and unarmed security guards who patrol schools, malls and offices and earn far less, the paper reported.
Sounds like a two-tiered system if there ever was one. (Your homework assignment: Compare and contrast the overwrought 1992 movie “The Bodyguard” with the understated 1980 movie “My Bodyguard.”) The important news out of the conference is that such professionals don’t like to be called “bodyguards.” They prefer “protection specialists.” (What are they calling bullies these days?)
(And yes, if ranchers could get the country’s bison production up to snuff, one of those mighty beasts would make a fine bodyguard. Although it might have a little trouble tumbling nimbly into the limo after clearing the way for you.)
•“Can tofu maker bring sexy to soybean curd?” In a word: No. In two words: Ugh, no. Several words: Not even if it was playing a supporting condiment in a vegan remake of the 1986 movie “9½ Weeks.”
(Unfortunately, we can hear “The Bodyguard” star Whitney Houston singing, “And I… will always love tofuuuuuu.”)
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