Say for a moment our Monday morning assignment is to compare life to the Super Bowl; could we all agree that the Super Bowl halftime show represents a mid-life crisis? Let’s review the headlines like a challenged call in football:
•”Party time: Super Bowl spending could hit $11 billion”: So if there was a Super Bowl every other month or so, could we save the economy?
“Heidi Klum finally addresses split with Seal”: Finally! How dare she wait to tell the public about her private life? It’s our right to know.
“Tim Gunn: I haven’t had sex in 29 years”: Sigh. Apparently it is our right, and responsibility, to know things people would do well to keep to themselves.
“Nikon launches longest superzoom camera”: The paparazzi and stalker communities are all abuzz.
“What’s wrong with the teenage mind?” Whatever.
“Neuroscientists make headway turning thoughts into speech”: So they should be learning to walk real soon then.
“NASA takes first ever video of dark side of the moon”: But the astrophysicists at the Pink Floyd observatory long ago established that “There is no dark side of the moon really. Matter of fact it’s all dark.”
“Sugar should be regulated like alcohol, tobacco, commentary says”: The opposition retorts: “I’ll give you my Baby Ruth when you pry it from my cold, dead hands!”
“New App turns smartphone into a hotel room TV remote control”: Such amazing technological advances. Re-inventing the remote that’s sitting right there. So now two people can compete over what to watch? So you can change channels double-fisted?
“Bathrooms don’t stop smartphone users from doing their business”: Yet another study challenging the “smartphone” moniker.
“How to get Internet in every room of your house”: Finally!
“WSU sorority sanctioned for hazing, drinking”: Nothing funny there, of course. But beyond the sorority news, it’s fun to note that the Dean of Students at Washington State University is named Melynda Huskey. Is there someone with the surname “Cougar” working at the University of Washington?
“More parents helping adult children get homes, cars”: And the great majority of us, er, them, are extremely grateful for such help.
“Why French parents are superior”: Already? This time last year, the same publication, the Wall Street Journal, ran “Why Chinese mothers are superior,” about the book, “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.” The new book is, “Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting.”
Tips include, “Don’t be afraid to say ‘no.’” Yes, so very , very specifically French. Will next year bring : “A wee bit of superior Irish parentin’ “?
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